Baby Continues to Grow Like a Weed

This morning we had our last prenatal doctor's appointment. My doctor is on vacation, so we met with the nurse practitioner - the same one we met with on our very first prenatal exam. Strange - I felt more informed from this one appointment with her than I have from all of the exams with my doctor combined. She actually initiated conversation with us, was honest without being scary (she didn't once refer to vaginal "blow out"), and was gentle. If I had the money, I'd send her back to medical school just so she could serve as my doctor.

We're still on track for me to be induced next week. The nurse stated I'm over 50% effaced and about one centimeter dilated. She educatedly guessed the baby currently weighs about 8 1/2 pounds - so we're looking at an approximate nine-pounder next week. She also stated that there's still chance that I could go into labor before I'm induced. (Not to get anyone's hopes up, though - personally, I think Baby Neener is in no hurry to exit his apparent luxurious incubation lodge.) She asked if I plan on having an epidural to which I meekly replied, "Um...I think so." (Duh.) She said she's a "leftover hippie" who had her children through natural childbirth because the narcotics they used to administer in childbirth would pass the placental barrier and get into the baby's bloodstream - therefore, drugging the baby. However, something I didn't know, epidurals apparently do not work that way and don't affect the baby at all. She reassured me further by telling me that being induced is far from natural and, therefore, will be much more painful and said if she had to be induced, she would definitely opt for having an epidural prior to the induction. So, this doctor's visit, if nothing else, made me feel much better about my decision to use drugs. Labor drugs, at least.

I also scheduled my post-partum exam for the middle of February. For some reason, doing this sort of made me feel like I was sealing the deal in having this kid next week. I guess there's no turning back now...there's a doctor's appointment scheduled and canceling it would be such a pain in the ass.

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He Thinks He's the Baby

Sam loves what he thinks is his new giant kitty bed. I think it's the cozy velour sheet that he finds most appealing. While we don't want to condone this behavior, we just can't get mad at him when we walk in and he looks up at us with squinty, groggy eyes so full of kitty happiness.

I don't know if he'll enjoy this space so much in a couple of weeks when a screaming baby is occupying it. Who knows, though - Sam may become Baby Neener's favorite crib toy.

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According to Stephen, There Are Just Too Many Douchebags Out There

I can't think of a more festive way to kick off Christmas, can you?

http://www.globalorgasm.org

I had no idea creating world peace could be such a sexy endeavor.

(Hopefully Adam doesn't already have this posted as his WTF of the Day. But seriously, WTF?)

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Only Two More Weeks.

Our doctor's appointment this morning was quite an eventful one.

(1) I've put on two pounds in the past week. I blame giant monster baby, for surely it wasn't from the dessert pitch-in we had for our office Christmas party on Friday or the additional half dozen cookies I ate at my mother-in-law's on Friday night.

(2) I was treated like both a stress-relief ball (when the doctor checked my abdomen to feel the position of the baby) and a hand puppet. Much to my surprise, turns out, having your cervix checked is NOTHING like the usual checking they do down there during annual lady exams. (In other words, OUCH!!)

(3) My doctor thinks it may be best to induce me a little early. Apparently, Baby Neener is quite the overachiever at thriving in my womb. Or, I'm quite the overachiever at growing babies. Either way, as she put it, if I really want to wait until my due date or later for him to arrive naturally and see if I'm capable of delivering an eleven-pound baby, more power to me. I did not find this option very appealing, so I decided to choose the alternate option. I am scheduled to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. on January 2 to be induced into labor. Now, I am being induced a little early because there will be a better chance of me being able to deliver normally than if we were to wait; however, there is still a decent chance I'll have to have a Cesarean. Several people have asked me today why she isn't inducing me next week if the rapid growth of the baby is the issue. I will tell you - after 12 years of being on-call during Christmas week (including on Christmas Day), she thinks she deserves a year of being off for Christmas. Understandable, I suppose, but this is the year that I'm giving birth. Why can't she wait until next year to travel to South Carolina to spend Christmas with her son?! So, the earliest she will be on-call again is January 2.

I have to admit I'm freaking out a little bit. I am totally not a morning person to begin with. I know I won't get any sleep because - HELLO - I will have the dreaded labor lingering over my head. I will be starving my ass off - I'm not supposed to eat much after midnight because if I do, I'll apparently more than likely puke it back up. To top it off, there's no guarantee that doing this will ensure I'll have a normal, "easy" delivery. A giant monster baby is going to be forced to try to escape through the most petite area of my petite body. I am scared.

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Week 36: The Beginning of the End?

Much to my amazement, there are only four more weeks until my due date. Even more to my amazement, I'm beginning to hope this baby's delivery comes prior to my due date. Whenever I have a Braxton Hicks contraction, I find myself a little disappointed when another one doesn't follow. Or, when I think I'm having a cramp, I get a tad bit frustrated when it turns out to be just gas. I'm not a masochist; I'm just starting to feel worn out, stretched out, and beaten up from serving as Baby Neener's life vessel for the past nine months. People have said that by the end I'd be looking forward to the labor. Up until the past couple of weeks, I thought they were crazy. I stand corrected.

Several people have said I look like I've started to drop during this week, and I agree. I can tell he's further down than before - sometimes it feels like he's trying to claw his way out down there. (Way down there.) I've read that when the baby drops, although it causes more pressure on the bladder and makes walking and sitting more difficult and uncomfortable, it does alleviate the discomfort in the diaphragm and ribs. As my doctor informed me, though, he's big enough so that as he drops his toes are still finding their way into my rib cage and when he stretches out I still feel really short of breath, so I'm just left a breathless, waddling mess. How fortunate for me! I also noticed in the bathroom mirror the other morning that my boobs are no longer resting on top of my belly as they had been for the past couple of months - yet another sign Baby Neener must be traveling south.

My main complaints are still backaches and lack of sleep; however, new aches and pains have begun to rear their ugly heads in the past week or two. I'm feeling more internal pains than before. I assume this is probably because the baby is taking up even more room and further squishing my organs and bones? My hips have become more stiff and sore - hopefully this is because the baby is down there planning his exit route. My hands have swollen a little bit - I'm no longer able to wear my wedding ring. And, last night as I was changing into my pajamas, I noticed I had CANKLES for the first time. Yuck! Luckily this morning my ankles were back to their normal size, but my feet still looked a little puffy. My whole body in general has just felt much heavier this past week - so much so, that my feet get sore really quickly when walking and I'm in need of more arch support in my shoes than before. I pulled a muscle in my foot the other day, in fact. My gait now consists of a very graceful waddle-limp combination. Overall, I am feeling the most physically inflexible I've ever felt - I feel like a giant Kim-ka-bob.

But don't get me wrong - I really have enjoyed being pregnant and look forward to doing it again one day. Part of me feels as if this pregnancy has absolutely flown by, but another part of me feels like I've been pregnant forever. I remember in the beginning of my pregnancy feeling anxious and even a little sad about the changes my body was going through. Now, at the end, I strangely feel a little anxious and even a little sad about losing my pregnant body and (eventually) transforming back into my normal body. I'm definitely sad that I won't get to feel my baby moving around inside of me anymore. There's an indescribable bond I've developed while sharing my body with the little squirt and, as excited as I am to finally meet him and have him in my arms, I'll really miss the connection we have right now. Admittedly, I will also be sad not to get the special attention I have become accustomed to lately. I definitely haven't abused the fact that everyone is practically at my beck and call - and voluntarily so - but it's been really nice knowing I could take advantage if I wanted. However, I won't miss the backaches. Or the awful way my clothes (don't) fit. Clothes - REGULAR CLOTHES! I can't wait to get those back.

We will have our next doctor's appointment this Monday morning - if there's any news, I'll be sure to post about it. Otherwise, I guess it'll be another week of Stephen enduring my moaning and groaning as we ride out the storm.

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A Glimpse of Baby Neener

Our ultrasound this morning confirmed what everyone already knew: Baby Neener is a big baby.

He's apparently already at full-term size, weighing in at approximately 7.5 pounds, and is estimated to keep gaining about a half a pound per week. I have four more weeks to go. Do the math yourself; I'm choosing to remain in denial.

I asked my doctor if she's concerned about this, and she stated that there are always added concerns when the baby is large, especially in terms of how the delivery will go. Big babies are more likely to do more damage to your body coming out, there are higher risks of having a difficult labor, and there is a higher chance of the need for a C-section. I asked her what the game plan is and basically, for now, she's just going to closely monitor my progress. Next week she will begin checking my cervix on a weekly basis and she said if I begin to dilate she may induce me a little early. However, if I don't begin to dilate, we'll just ride it out until the due date.

For the most part, we learned nothing we didn't already know. Although, I did gain a substantial amount of fear of my upcoming labor. That made it all well worth it.

We have uploaded the short ultrasound video if you would like to take a peek. It mostly consists of the technician taking boring measurements of the top of the head and cross-sections of the abdomen, but there are a few good shots of Baby Neener's sweet little face and profile. (Note: the ultrasound doesn't start until about 23 seconds into the video.)

Our 7.5 pound baby appears to have really adorable chubby cheeks. Gee, I wonder why?

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Sophie Would Look Beautiful in the Pink One

Bored, I stumbled across this site when perusing through different blogs.

Kitty wigs - I need one! It's just too bad my cats won't let me play dress up with them for longer than 2.7 seconds. Otherwise, the $50 would so totally be worth it.

However...I bet they'd fit Baby Neener's little newborn head...Perhaps I should register for the electric blue one?

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Another Fun Challenge

I'd figured that, as I became all big and roly poly in the last month or two (or three) of my pregnancy, it would become increasingly difficult to maneuver and perform certain tasks that had up to this point been a piece of cake. As the baby takes over residence of your entire abdominal cavity, it's quite challenging to bend over or reach beyond your belly. Things like putting on my socks, shoes, tying my shoes, shaving my legs, picking up things off the floor, getting out of bed, getting out of the car - basically anything that requires stretching downward or the use of abdominal muscles, also requires much imagination, calculation, and grace. I had expected all of this, though, and I had prepared myself for this sense of disability.

In the past couple of weeks, however, I've reached another level of sad and pathetic that no one, not even any of my books, forewarned me about - that I'd have difficulty wiping after I use the potty. With my arms being short in length and my torso being so ginormous, I'm afraid I'm going to hurt myself by falling off the toilet from the contortions in which I have to bend in order to perform this most basic of basic tasks.

I didn't realize pregnancy would involve me practically becoming an invalid. On the one hand, I absolutely refuse to ask my husband for assistance in this most personal of departments, but on the other hand, it could be good practice for all those diaper changes he'll be doing for Baby Neener...Poor Stephen. Let's all pray for his sake and the sake of the last shred of dignity I have that I don't grow much rounder in the next few weeks.

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So Not Cool

When is it okay to wear a Year 2000 Mickey Mouse jacket? Before you answer "never", you're apparently wrong. According to one lady, apparently, it's fashionable seven years later. You know, once it becomes a vintage collector's fashion piece.

You're probably jumping in your car right at this very moment to run to your closest Goodwill or Salvation Army to find yourself a similarly sweet trendsetting piece, but once you locate that awesome turquoise windbreaker with the giant Tazmanian Devil on the back or the hunter green fleece pullover with Winnie the Pooh embroidered on the left chest, you may find yourself unsure of exactly how and when you should let your classiness shine. The answer is simple: At work, of course. What other outer apparel would look as smart with a pair of pleated, highwater slacks and chunky loafers a la 1994? My only suggestion to this woman would have been to add a lovely satellite dish-sized set of bangs smack in the middle of her forehead. That would have been professionalism at it's finest.

As much as I wanted to put out an emergency call to Stacy and Clinton, I reminded myself that it's people like that who make me appear to be much more stylish than I really am, and I figure I can use all the help I can get. See, there really is a place and a purpose for everyone in this world.

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If He Were a Dinosaur, He'd Be Gigantisaurus Rex

This morning we went to the first of our now weekly doctor appointments. While the doctor was measuring my uterus, she paused and asked both Stephen and I how big we were when we were born. We both replied we were seven-something. She said she thinks he'll be larger than that - probably at least in the eight pound range - and scheduled us to have another ultrasound next week to get a better estimate of the baby's size. I asked her if she thought there'd be any problems for me to deliver vaginally because that seems to be a shared concern for some people and, of course, she replied that there's really no way of knowing until I'm actually giving birth. COME ON. This is one instance in life in which I do not want to take the "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" or "let's play it by ear" route. I want plans. I want to know what to be prepared for. I do not want to go through twenty hours of labor and then have the doctor decide maybe a C-section would be a better option for me. I know a couple of ladies who had this experience and I know I do not wish to join that club. Talk about having the worst of both worlds. There had better be both a mathematician and an engineer in the ultrasound room next week toting lots of compasses and calculators and survey equipment. We must get this equation solved pronto.

Happily, at least we'll get another sneak peek of Baby Neener next week. It's going to be weird seeing a full-sized baby lurking in the depths of my body - I know he's changed a ton since the last time we saw his tiny little fetus body at the end of August. Stephen will likely post another video like he did of the last ultrasound, so stay tuned...

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