And Then Everything Was OK

I've been in a bit of a funk lately - not constantly, and nothing extreme - just enough of one to be a giant pain in the ass to both myself and my husband. I think it's mainly the bliss of returning to work that's gotten me down; being pulled in five different directions takes some getting used to. I'm sure it's not a new feeling for any parent out there, but it's really been hitting me hard the past week - that I'm not much more than just a mom. Don't get me wrong; being a mom is, in my opinion, the most important and rewarding job one can have, but sometimes, on occasion, I miss being Kim. I miss being able to run to Target on a moment's notice, or spend an hour editing and organizing my photos, or blog about my kid, or do laundry without having to re-fluff the clothes in the dryer ten times before I finally get a chance to fold them, or even just watch thirty minutes of TV that isn't something on Nick Jr. or Sprout. Asher was at the age where we no longer needed to drag five changes of clothes and twenty diapers with us everywhere we went. We didn't really have to plan our outings around his feeding schedule. He can sit up on his own. Get this - he can walk! Then we went back to square one with Henry and are having to adjust to giving up those tiny freedoms again. This time around, though, we are more hopeful because we know it gets better. We know this ball-and-chain phase doesn't last forever and, actually, up until I returned to work, I hadn't even really been bothered much by our return to newbornland.

Returning to work this time around is tougher, though. For one, I know Stephen is at home struggling with caring for two kids. And then, when I get home, I'm now having to split myself between housework and two children. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I can't be a good, attentive mom and get all the laundry done, bathroom cleaned, floors swept, etc. I might be able to get some of the laundry done and at least pick up the assortment of toys that were strewn about on the floor that day. And that's about it. As far as doing anything additional that I might want to do, I can forget about it. Henry's screaming at me to pay attention to him, and Asher's about to explode if I don't get another train video lined up for him on the computer.

It's funny, though, how one second I can absolutely feel like I'm going to bash my head through the wall, and then Henry will give me a giant smile (see below) or Asher will tell me he loves me, and then all is right with the world. Amazingly - that's all it takes. I wish there was some way I could bottle those smiles and coos and sweet and funny words that come from my kids and take a hit off of it whenever I need a pick-me-up. Because sometimes when I get that overwhelming anxiety attack, my kids aren't showering me with love. Sometimes they're both screaming at me at the same time, and both have poopy diapers, and both need to be fed. And this is why I have about a million pictures of my smiling babies plastered all over the walls of my house, so that no matter where I am and what kind of wringer they're putting me through, I can glance up, take a deep breath, see my happy babies and remember that I'm not just their mom. I'm a good mom. I may not be able to be in two places at once or have four arms to hold them at the same time or have floors clean enough that they can eat off of, but not once have I drowned them in the bathtub or driven them into a pond of water. I will always remind them of that.

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Back to the Grind

Sadly, my maternity ended a few weeks ago and I went back to work on July 9. I miss being at home all day with my boys. I think we're all still adjusting to my return to work, but slowly and painfully we're starting to develop a new routine.

Along with going back to work is the return of not being able to blog very often. I've just now finally uploaded all the pictures of the boys from June - just in time for the end of July!

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Two and a Freaking Half!

Wow. I haven't written one of these updates in quite awhile, and somewhere along the line, my baby turned into a kid. One who gives out kisses, says, "Oh Mommy, I love you," without prompting, one who totally knows what buttons to push on Mommy and Daddy to make them either laugh hysterically, melt into mush, or burst in a fit of frustration.

He's seriously amazing, as I'm sure most parents think their kids are. I mean, first you have this blob and just when you think he's never going to be anything other than a blob, POOF!, he's walking and talking and being amazing, and then at that point, you kind of forget that he was ever a blob...that is, until you have another blob and you realize just how truly mind-boggling it is that this little person was once a blob like your second blob is right now...What I'm trying to say is, I look at Henry and honestly can't picture Asher ever being that helpless or little. He's come such a long way from that bald-headed badgering baby he once was!

He's not totally grown up, yet, though. I had hopes that we could get a good start on potty-training while I've been on maternity leave, but our hectic schedules and his stubbornness hasn't quite allowed that to happen. Last Monday, I decided we should start, but of course Asher threw a fit and begged to wear his diaper. So, I told him he could keep his diaper for now if we could work on giving up the pacifier. He only gets his ba-ba now at naptime and bedtime. (I was a thumb-sucker for a long time when I was a kid, so I totally understand the comfort his pacifier brings him and I'm not going to take that away from him if he needs it to relax and go to sleep, but, like I did, he has to learn there's a time and a place for his crack!) He's whined for it a few times, but overall I've been impressed by how little he's missed it. It seems like either his speech is increasing or we're just better able to understand him without it in his mouth, too.

He recently became a big brother and boy am I proud of what a good big brother he's been! Seriously, I've seen only the tiniest bit of jealousy - occasionally when I'm holding or nursing Henry, Asher will beg to be carried or held - and I've yet to see any meanness directed toward Henry. Asher can wake up super grumpy from a nap, but if I bring Henry over to him, his mood perks right up. He is concerned when Baby Brother is not in sight, and is always trying to kiss, tickle, or talk to Henry. I can only hope he stays this sweet...it would be so wonderful if he and his brother could grow up and be best friends. Only time will tell on that, but at least for now all I have to worry about is Asher loving on Henry too much. You know, hugging can kill if you squeeze too tightly!

I mentioned earlier that Asher knows what buttons to push, and luckily he usually uses his knowledge for good and not evil. He knows that saying, "new pillow" or "marshmallow" in a super whiny voice with his lips all pouty makes his mommy laugh like crazy, so he's started saying other things that he wants in the same way to make me laugh (and to get what he wants in return!). He knows that hugs and kisses and hearing, "I love you, Mommy," are things that make me happy, so he's been doling such treasures out to me more and more frequently. He expresses concern when any of us seem upset or in pain by asking if we're OK. He is really good at saying please and thank you and you're welcome and bless you. He (usually) gives kisses and hugs and says "I love you" when saying goodbye to his grandparents. He is just a really sweet little boy.

I sure hope he stays this way and that turning three in a few months doesn't change things too much!

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My Chunka-Monka

Henry had his belated two-month checkup today with the doctor, and guess what? He's PERFECT! Okay, well, he's everything he's supposed to be. And even more so. The doctor and nurses were most impressed with his "healthy" size. Henry now weighs 15 pounds 10 ounces and is 25 inches long, which puts him over the 95th percentile in both weight and height. Am I surprised by any of this? No...Mr. Pickles is actually already starting to grow out of his 3-6 month-sized clothes and is moving into 6-9-month. So, yeah, I sorta knew he was a chunky monkey. Dr. Timmons said he's more the size of a six-month old than a nearly three-month old, which led me to wonder, is he overweight? Nope - she said he's perfectly proportionate, so he's not overweight at all - he's just a big baby. Because of his large size and the fact that he probably has a large appetite, she also gave us the green light to go ahead and try giving him a little bit of rice cereal if we want.

Poor Mr. Pickles also had to have four shots in his little chubby legs today. He was so brave and only cried for a minute.

Since we were so close to his three-month mark, we won't be going to the doctor again until August for his four-month checkup. Let's hope he won't be in 12-month clothes by that time!

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Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

In Asher's kid's meal from Wendy's, he received a toy microphone. Here is a sample of his sweet singing skills that we enjoyed for almost too long in the car today as he tried out his new toy:

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Teachings of an Older Child

My niece, Ella, along with my sister, recently came home from Virginia for a couple of weeks to visit. I love it when they visit. It's wonderful to see my sis and dote on Ella, but more than that, I love seeing how excited Asher gets over seeing Ella. I'll be honest - when she's around, he's occupied, out from under my feet, clinging to someone else - it's like a mini-vacation for me! She's so good with him, too, and I think she enjoys spending time with him just as much as he enjoys spending time with her. He totally looks up to her. She has had positive influences on him - such as improving his attitude toward toothbrushing and his brushing skills - and some...interesting influences, as well. Like, encouraging the development of an overactive imagination. Never before had Asher been afraid of storms, or of monsters, but since her last visit, I've heard talk of monsters galore, and every time it thunders, he crawls under the table and says he's "skeered." (Which is a little hard to believe when he's laughing while saying it.) Thanks to Ella, Asher is obsessed with tickling Henry ("teekle-teekle-teekle!!!") and playing in our closet. AND, he's been better at playing by himself - like, imaginative, pretend play. The stories and scenarios he comes up with are hilarious, and I just sit and watch him and wonderwhere and when he became so creative. And then there's his language. I swear, his vocabulary has increased tenfold and his speech pattern has improved greatly over the past few weeks. How is that possible? Oh yeah - he's been hanging around with a six-year old.

I seriously wish I could rent her for the summer. Maybe she could convince him to finally try eggs or eat a hotdog. I always hear about the negative influences older kids have on younger siblings, but not so much about the good influences they have. I think Henry is lucky that he'll have a live-in older kid to look up to. (Watch, Asher will be the one to give Henry his first cigarette and beer.)

Come back soon, Ella. We miss you!

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Day Out with Thomas

Yesterday was our big Day Out with Thomas event in Connersville with Marmie, Grandfather, Angela, Rowan, and Lydia. It was a scorcher - around 90 degrees and humid - but I, personally, thought it was well worth the misery to see Asher's excitement over seeing Thomas in person. In case you didn't know, Asher has a little bit of an obsession with Thomas - some of that obsession may have been slightly encouraged by his parents who have bought him about a million and one trains and various other Thomas merchandise *ahem* - but I figured, with my luck, we'd get there and he would be terrified of the life-size Thomas train. Thankfully, he was extremely happy to see Thomas, and it was only Sir Topham Hatt that scared him. Whew! They had all sorts of activities for the kiddos - pony rides, a petting zoo, train tables, etc. - and thankfully, Marmie and Grandfather were there to take him around to do the fun things because someone decided he needed to eat and kept Mommy and Daddy sitting in the back of the van for the first half hour that we were there. So, I didn't get to do any of the fun things with Asher, which was a little disappointing, but I'm glad someone was there to help out and make sure he had a good time! The heat was terrible, but I guess it kept any tantrums over leaving at bay - I think we were all ready to go by the end of the train ride.

Here are pictures. (Mostly taken by Marmie since both of our cameras are currently, conveniently, broken, so thanks to Marmie for being photographer for the day!)

Thank you, Marmie and Grandfather, for such a fun day!

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God Loves Henry

We had Mr. Henry Pickles baptized on Sunday. It was a very nice day - our baby was blessed, we ate lots of good food, we visited with our closest family and friends, and Henry got presents. Oh, and there was yummy cake, too. We're very lucky to have such a great family to share this special day with us.

(FYI, The 38-year old baptismal gown that Henry is wearing has been worn by Stephen and all of his siblings, as well as Angela's two children and Asher. Is it wrong that I have looked forward to my children's baptisms, not so much because of the salvation it represents, but because it's the only chance I'll have to dress my boys in gowns??)

See pictures here!

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Smiles!

Henry has been smiling more and more over the past couple of weeks, even when pooping isn't involved! Here's a little video with a few smiles in it that Mom recorded this evening while I was burping Henry.

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The Past Two Months

I'll admit, I feel pretty guilty about not giving Henry the face time that I've always given Asher on here. In my defense, Henry, this should show you what a good parent I've been - my time and attention has been pretty focused on more important things, like feeding you every 2-3 hours, changing your diaper every 2-3 hours, soothing you when you cry, picking up the house, doing laundry, wrangling your monkey brother...you know, parent-y things. Of course, there's also been the fact that I ran out of storage space on Google over a month ago and couldn't upload anymore pictures. Oops. Well, we've finally resolved that issue, so now I can slowly start sharing pictures from the past couple of months. That is, if you boys can coordinate a long enough nap at the same time for me to accomplish such a feat...

As I expected, my maternity leave is totally flying by and leaving me in the dust, struggling to slow things down and enjoy every precious second. Fat chance of that happening. For one, because I'm off of work, we've been trying to cram all the visiting with family and running around in that we can since we won't be able to do once I'm back on a grown-up schedule. Two, because Stephen works during the weekends, I've been packing up and spending many of these weekends at my mom's, so I can get some much-needed assistance with caring for two little ones. Surprisingly, that adjustment hasn't been as tough as I thought it would be. Luckily, Asher is, usually, a pretty good little boy who doesn't require constant attention from us, and he seems to understand (usually) that Henry needs more care from us than he does, so he's been good about sharing his parents with his brother. I've been so much more calm with Henry than I was when Asher was a newborn. Like, I know that a poopy diaper can wait a few minutes until we reach our destination in the car. Or, there's the fact that Henry isn't going to shrivel up if he has to wait ten minutes for me to finish my dinner before he gets fed. I also know that a little crying is normal, babies are a lot tougher than they appear to be, and they don't have to be held 100% of the time. Of course there are still things I'm struggling with...like how to entertain a newborn. I'm feeling the exact same frustration I felt when Asher was a newborn - how do you play with a slug? I want to interact with him, to teach him, to play with him...but, all he wants to do is sleep, eat, poop, and be cuddled. It's starting to get better, though...he's beginning to smile and coo, so I know he's starting to come out of the "blob of baby" phase.

Asher is still totally in love with Baby Brother and constantly wants to hug, kiss, and pat Henry on the head. Our biggest fight right now is keeping Asher off Henry...his love sometimes hurts. He's a very caring big brother: he fetches pacifiers, sings Henry songs, and shares his toys with him. Now I just need to teach him how to change diapers...

Henry has been a great little baby. He's very easygoing, cuddly, not too fussy, and doesn't treat me like a chew toy when I feed him. He's sleeping for 3-6 hours at a time at night, and I usually end up getting around eight hours of sleep total, so I haven't been too much of a zombie. He's really chubbed up nicely over the past nine weeks, too, and has managed to keep his head full of luxurious hair. He has his two-month check-up on Monday, and on Sunday he's going to be baptized. Yet another busy weekend is ahead of us!

Here are pictures from April and pictures from May.

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Can You Spot Where My Genes Enter Into the Family?

We finally had the opportunity to make a trip over to Dayton last Friday in order to visit with Grammy for a couple of hours and introduce her to Henry. Maryann had the idea that we should get a four generational photo of herself, Grammy, Stephen, and the two babies. Asher, of course, decided to be a total spaz and wouldn't cooperate. They threw him out of the picture, so then it was up to Henry to add some flair to the photos.

It was great to get to see Grammy for a bit. Stephen and Asher have been over to visit her a few times over the course of the past few months, but I hadn't seen her since January. Thanks to my maternity leave, hopefully we'll get to squeeze in a few more trips before I go back to work. She'll turn 92 in July, but if you ask me, she doesn't look a day over 80.

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How It's Been

As usual, I've been so far behind on keeping up with this blog. It's not like I've been busy or anything...I've just had a little nine-pound human attached to my boobs for approximately a third of every day the past two and a half weeks. Then, there's the two-year old who is constantly up in my grill wanting to see Baby Brother, touch Baby Brother, squeal in Baby Brother's face, cuddle Baby Brother, or tickle Baby Brother. I'm already running interference between the two boys, and they've only been living together for a couple of weeks. Luckily, so far, it's been good attention Asher has been doling out on Henry, but it's still a lot of work and stress to make sure little Henry doesn't get crushed under all of Asher's good intentions. On top of that, our sweet little toddler has suddenly turned into...well, a toddler. We're pretty sure most of it is his way of dealing with the new addition to the family, but, WOW. Temper tantrums galore. Defiance. Stubborness. Whining. Throwing things. Running around screaming like a banshee. Our pediatrician (and everyone else we've talked to) has assured us this is perfectly normal and said the best thing to do is to stick to our guns when it comes to the rules and to praise, praise, praise him for every little good thing he does to encourage positive behavior. We've been doing this as much as possible, and it seems like as long as we make sure he gets his naps in and smother him with as much attention as possible, life is much easier.

I have to say, knock on wood, things have been going so much better than they did after Asher was born. So far, I haven't had any postpartum depression like I did with Asher. There have been some instances of feeling a little overwhelmed and lonely, but nothing like the completely and utterly lost and hopeless feelings I had two years ago. I was worried that going back to the days of feeding and diapering every few hours would be horribly rough, but surprisingly it's been a groove that's been pretty easy to slip back into. I don't know if it's simply the fact that we've done it before and know what to expect, or that Henry is (so far) a VERY easygoing baby, or that Stephen has been home more than he was in the first few months after Asher was born, or maybe even the time of year has made things more pleasant - Asher was born at the beginning of dreary January, which kept us pretty much hibernating indoors, whereas we have the windows open now and can smell the neighbors' flowers and hear the birds chirping. My recovery has been MUCH shorter and less painful this time around, too...it's easy to sink into depression when you physically feel like you've had a semi-truck crash out of your lady parts. I also am very happy to report that nursing is (again, so far) much easier this time around. It feels much more natural this time - i.e., I don't feel like a chew toy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Henry doesn't turn into the little badger that Asher was, but it's nice to know that breast pump is around if I need it! Although, I will admit, I do occasionally pump just to give myself a break every once in awhile. Besides, I think it's nice to let Daddy have some feeding time, too.

Henry had his two week checkup last week, and he's apparently pretty perfect. His weight was up to nine pounds (50th percentile), and his height is up to 21.75 inches (90th percentile). We'll see the doc again in a couple of weeks for his one-month checkup.

Hopefully I'll get a chance to post pictures up from the past couple of weeks pretty soon, but in the meantime, I've finally gotten the pictures uploaded that were taken during our hospital stay.

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Our Little Henry

I was dilated to 6-7 when my blood pressure started dropping, which cause the baby's heart rate to do funky things. I was given oxygen and blood pressure medication to help me out. The nurse kept asking if I felt any pressure "downstairs" - after about fifteen minutes, I did. She did another check and found that I'd jumped to 10 cm. and the baby was right there, ready to greet us.

After 20 minutes of pushing, Henry Major Barr was born at 3:15 p.m. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 10 ounces, and was 21 inches long. He's very handsome, bearing a striking resemblance to our other very handsome son. Only difference is, Henry has a full head of hair, whereas his big brother had just this funny patch of hair on the back of his head. Henry is currently styling a faux-hawk, thanks to the nurse who gave him his first bath. Now, the nursery nurses don't want to put a hat on him for fear of messing up his adorable hair-do.

Henry is a family name on both sides of the family, and Major is my father-in-law's middle name. I'd always thought it was a cool name, and he's a pretty cool guy, so we thought it was a cool choice for Henry's middle name, too.

I'm flat-out exhausted, considering I only got a couple of hours of sleep last night and no naps today, coupled with the fact that I just birthed a human being. Other than that, no pain yet and all my vitals have been great. Henry is having his blood sugar monitored like crazy since he's a little large for his age and even had a half a bottle earlier to bring him up to par, but other than that, he's perfect.

More pictures and updates to follow!

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Now I Know How It Feels to Have a Wet Diaper

They just broke my water, and I have one thing to say: GROSS! The brilliancy that flies out of my mouth to the doctor? "That is so disgusting. I can't remember the last time I peed my pants, but I bet that's what it feels like."

Duh.

My contractions are definitely getting stronger now and I'm dilated to four. I think it's almost time for the magic of Mr. Epidural. But not quite yet. I'm having way too much fun. I figure as long as my hunger pangs are stronger than the pain from contractions, I'm OK.

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The Beginning of the End

I'm at the hospital, trying my best to type without pulling the IV out of my arm, "enjoying" the last moments of my second pregnancy. It's been a rough one - not the pregnancy itself, but the time period during which the pregnancy has taken place has really kinda sucked. I've beaten myself up a little bit over the fact that I haven't documented this pregnancy the way I did Asher's, but I guess my priorities had to lie in taking care of myself and my family, rather than in blogging. It's funny, though; both pregnancies have been so similar that, in a way, it's like both are documented through my first pregnancy postings. I had very similar issues with nausea during the first & second trimesters. Both pregnancies were complication-free. I've had heartburn and backaches with both. My weight gain has been very similar as the first's. Both of my babies practically outgrew my uterus.

There have been some minor differences, though. My appetite hasn't been quite as good as it was during the first pregnancy. It seems like heartburn has been more of a constant this time around. I don't recall really having any cravings with Asher, but with this kid I've been on a non-stop chocolate binge. I think I've been much more tired and achy during this pregnancy, too, but that's probably due to the fact that I'm chasing around after a toddler and have had a lot of crap to deal with that I didn't have during the first.

I'm more ready for this pregnancy to end than I was during my first. Because so little was going on back then - no other child or drama occupying my time - I tended to dwell on every little part of my pregnancy. I loved being pregnant and carrying around the baby inside of me. I know I'm going to miss feeling Retus moving around inside, I'm going to miss that bond that a mother feels while carrying her child. But my body is SO DARN TIRED and worn out that I've really been prevented from enjoying being pregnant as much as I was with Asher.

Although I'm probably not quite as nerve-wracked as I was about my first delivery, I'm a lot more nervous than I thought I would be. I spent so much time preparing, studying, and bracing myself for Asher that, even though I didn't know firsthand what to expect, I felt somewhat prepared. This time, due to having done it before and having everything else occupy all my time and attention, I really haven't spent any time at all preparing myself for Retus' arrival. (1) Everything went so smoothly with Asher that I'm scared the opposite will happen with this one. (2) Even though I've gone through caring for a newborn just two years ago, I think I've blocked it all out of my mind. It was my only defense! Shit, we're talking about sore nipples, feedings every two hours, and a child who can't hold his own head up. Explosive diapers! Engorgement of boobs! Postpartum depression! Feeling literally anchored to your child! Am I ready for all of this again?! I mean, Asher can feed himself, and he SPEAKS! Of course, Asher can also outrun me at the store and jump out of the cart. It will be kinda nice to have a baby that just lies wherever you put him again.

I'm very excited about meeting Retus, though, and introducing him to our family. For some reason, I figured I wouldn't feel as much excitement over the second baby, and happily I can say I was completely wrong. The Pitocin is freely flowing into my veins now, so it'll only be a short matter of time until I get to hold my new little sweetie!

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He's No Fool

Stephen: Asher, tell Mommy what we're having for dinner.

Asher: Um, Lucky Charms!

Stephen: No Lucky Charms...(Points to rotisserie chicken.)

Asher: Chicken!

Stephen: Yes, chicken! And what else? (Points to box of rice.)

Asher: Rice! Yay!

Stephen: Right! And what else? Are we going to have some rolls?

Asher: Yes! Rolls!

Stephen: And what else?

Asher: Um...Lucky Charms?

Stephen: No...*whispers* Beans?

Asher: Um...No thank you!

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It's Sing-a-Long Time

I'm realizing more and more that, as a parent, you really have to have something that records video on you at all times. This is a prime example.

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Fine Example of the Things a Working Parent Misses Out on

Here are Asher and his beloved cousins having a dance-off this afternoon.

Sure, the kids are cute, but being in the office is SO rewarding.

*sigh*

Thanks to Stephen for the much-needed dose of cuteness!

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Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Well I thought that I had made a post but I guess it didn't take. This just goes to show that I need to do this more often. Here's what I had written:

I'm home after a painful week at the hospital. I now have three weeks of doing nothing but put my foot in the air. I already feel awful about all the stuff Kim now has to do while all I can do is sit on my ass.

I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I wish I could do more.

Dad was here today and did an excellent job of getting me the few things I needed and also corralling the quickly building fury that is Asher. Thanks for your help, Dad, and I look forward to more quality help in the very near future. Angie will be here for the next two days and I know Kim is looking forward to some more femininity in the house.

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The Old Rocker

This little red rocker may not look like much, but it has a lot of sentimental value. It was originally my grandfather's chair when he was little, then was my mom's, then mine, and now it's Asher's. It had been sitting in my garage for the past couple of years - I think since I was pregnant or since Asher was newly born - in dire need of some major TLC, as one of the runners was broken. Stephen finally took it to his dad, who is far more talented than Bob Villa, and in no time at all, he had it back in perfect working order. Is it any wonder I love my father-in-law so much??

Asher is so excited to have a little chair that's his size. This evening, he wanted to watch "Brown" - which is what he calls Charlie Brown, with whom he's developed a strange obsession since we first watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas" this year - so we placed his chair in front of the TV, and there he sat for at least ten minutes without moving. (That's like two hours in toddler years.)

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