I Am So Lame.

I've finally taken the plunge. I joined MySpace.

Why? I honestly don't really know. My sister had joined it years ago during its infancy and she had then tried to get me to join, but I never felt a desire to. I could only think of five reasons people might want to be members, and at the time, none of them appealed to me.

1. Dating. I've been with my husband since we started dating at the beginning of our senior year of high school, almost eleven years ago. Therefore, I've been lucky enough to not have had to deal with online dating. I could, however, use the power of MySpace to rummage up the countless lurid online affairs I've been meaning to have...note to self...
2. Meeting new friends. I'm sure this works all fine and dandy for many, many people out there, but I've had some very strange experiences in meeting "new and exciting" people online. It's definitely quite possible that I'm just a distrustful fuddy-duddy (yes, I actually just used that term), but I just don't see the enjoyment in getting to know strangers online. Because, you know, there aren't a million crazy sickos out there fabricating entire personalities and life stories for extremely creepy and unexplainable reasons, or anything. Which leads me to number three...
3. Preying on unsuspecting MySpacers. All I can think about is the Dateline program, "To Catch a Predator." Enough said.
4. Spam. Unfortunately, I have nothing but cat pictures with which to spam people. And I don't think I'd gain anything other than pure hatred by doing that.
5. Reacquainting with old friends. I know I'm going to sound like a total bitch for saying this, but this is one of the big reasons I didn't want to join in the first place. It's not that I don't like my old friends, or anything. It has more to do with the fact that I'M INCREDIBLY LAZY. It's just what I'm good at. Catching up with people you haven't seen or spoken to in ten years is exhausting! And even more than that, I just know that every single person from my past has become totally fabulous. Well, I'm glad you asked me how life's treating me, Kim. I just earned my first bagillion dollars earlier this year when I discovered the cure for Ledinaklamahakaduhicky. I'm married to a Calvin Klein underwear model and have 2.5 beautiful children, a boy and a girl. We're vacationing this summer in our little villa in Italy. It's very important we get some family alone time away from home, because we're sooooo popular that sometimes we don't get to spend enough quality time together between all the galas we attend and host. How about you? I feel like I've got nothing of interest to say to these people. Um, remember that guy I used to hold hands with senior year of high school? Yeah, we're still together. Sorta got married after I graduated from Purdue. What did I study? Well, it doesn't really matter, seeing as I've been working as a legal secretary for the past four years. Oh! How could I forget! I've got three cats. Yeah, I know this is completely ridiculous, but this is how my ridiculous mind works. Sadly, you know what my biggest fear is? THAT NO ONE WILL REMEMBER ME. I was pretty quiet and shy back in the day - If I weren't me, I certainly wouldn't remember myself. Of course, I've also got the memory of a 97 year old woman.

I blame Angie for finally bringing me to the dark side. Since she's staying with us right now, I figured I'd use her MySpace expertise to help me set up an account. Thanks, Ang. You're the best at being a bad influence. Now if Stephen doesn't find me blogging, he can find me surfing MySpace for my next online affair with a very handsome 30 year old doctor named "Matthew" who, unknown to me, is actually being played by an extremely overweight, hairy 68 year old man named Gus who likes to do his online chatting naked.

Anyway, I decided to quit being such a retard and now I'm actually looking forward to finding out what my old peeps have been up to. I only have a handful of "friends" on there right now. A couple of people have looked me up, and I got brave and looked a few people up myself. Amazingly, no one rejected my friend requests! Whether their memories of me weren't too horrible or whether they just plain don't remember who the hell I am but approved me out of pity is not known to me. Either way, thanks, guys!

If any of the five people who read my blog are MySpace members, look me up. I'm in desperate need of people to stalk and am too lazy to find new people on whom to prey.