First Mother's Day from the Other Side of the Fence
Sunday was my first official Mother's Day as a mom. Granted, last year on Mother's Day was when I found out I was pregnant with Asher, so I suppose you could say that was my first, but I'm not counting it since no sacrifices to my lifestyle had been made, yet. Because, you know, you have to pay for your "MOM" title, and I'm learning that it doesn't come cheap. This time last year, I hadn't even begun to experience the throes of constant morning sickness, yet. Those little pink lines sure were the greatest gift I could have gotten, though, and make all of those "sacrifices" completely worthwhile.
Several people excitedly asked me today how my FIRST MOTHER'S DAY!!!!! went. I think I disappointed many when I shrugged my shoulders and said, yeah, it was good, I got to spend the weekend with my mom and step-dad and Asher so that was a lot of fun. I got looks in return like I'd crushed their spirits, how dare I not tell them that rainbows and butterflies and magical unicorns filled the sky for me the entire day. Sorry. If that had happened, I'd probably still be in the hospital from my overdose on hallucinogens.
I keep finding myself looking at pictures of Asher, or just thinking about Asher, and I'm continually amazed and dumbfounded. I just don't feel like a mom. Whatever "a mom" is supposed to feel like, I don't know, but it doesn't feel the way I'd expected it to. I recently said that to an attorney I work with, and added the fact that I just feel cranky all the time. And he said, well there you go. That's what being a mom feels like.
I was hesitant about posting this picture of me and Asher on here because, let's face it, I look like a pile of doggie doo that's been stepped in, but then thought it was the most appropriate picture depicting motherhood. Baby's in the front, looking all cute and sweet and getting all the attention, while mom is shadowed in the background, looking like she's been pulling all her hair out. But no, really she hasn't been pulling her hair out - the baby has been because it's so frickin' long because mommy hasn't had time to get it cut in FOREVER, not to mention it's been falling out on its own thanks to hormones and mommy is terrified she's going to have to construct a stylish comb-over here in the near future. And actually, this picture really isn't that bad, now that I think about it. I usually look much worse than this. Not to mention it's an EXCELLENT shot of my gigantic nostrils. If you enlarge the picture, be forewarned that they might just suck you in.
But you know, I wouldn't trade my crankiness and frumpiness for anything. Asher has taught me to let go of a lot of things I never thought I'd be able to let go - things like spending money on myself, taking long showers or bubble baths, painting my nails, SHAVING. The funny thing is, when I look at him, I don't miss any of those things. Much. (Okay, I really do miss shaving my legs regularly, I can't lie.) I guess maybe that's what being a mom feels like? The ability to put yourself last, willingly, and actually deriving happiness from putting someone else first. I always felt sorry for my mom growing up, seeing her struggle as a single parent and going without so that she could provide for her children. She's always told us that she likes to take care of us, that she didn't really mind going without. I never understood that until recently. I'm very thankful to have such a wonderful mom, and I hope I can be every bit as good of a mom to Asher, too. Even if I am a little cranky along the way.
Several people excitedly asked me today how my FIRST MOTHER'S DAY!!!!! went. I think I disappointed many when I shrugged my shoulders and said, yeah, it was good, I got to spend the weekend with my mom and step-dad and Asher so that was a lot of fun. I got looks in return like I'd crushed their spirits, how dare I not tell them that rainbows and butterflies and magical unicorns filled the sky for me the entire day. Sorry. If that had happened, I'd probably still be in the hospital from my overdose on hallucinogens.
I keep finding myself looking at pictures of Asher, or just thinking about Asher, and I'm continually amazed and dumbfounded. I just don't feel like a mom. Whatever "a mom" is supposed to feel like, I don't know, but it doesn't feel the way I'd expected it to. I recently said that to an attorney I work with, and added the fact that I just feel cranky all the time. And he said, well there you go. That's what being a mom feels like.
I was hesitant about posting this picture of me and Asher on here because, let's face it, I look like a pile of doggie doo that's been stepped in, but then thought it was the most appropriate picture depicting motherhood. Baby's in the front, looking all cute and sweet and getting all the attention, while mom is shadowed in the background, looking like she's been pulling all her hair out. But no, really she hasn't been pulling her hair out - the baby has been because it's so frickin' long because mommy hasn't had time to get it cut in FOREVER, not to mention it's been falling out on its own thanks to hormones and mommy is terrified she's going to have to construct a stylish comb-over here in the near future. And actually, this picture really isn't that bad, now that I think about it. I usually look much worse than this. Not to mention it's an EXCELLENT shot of my gigantic nostrils. If you enlarge the picture, be forewarned that they might just suck you in.
But you know, I wouldn't trade my crankiness and frumpiness for anything. Asher has taught me to let go of a lot of things I never thought I'd be able to let go - things like spending money on myself, taking long showers or bubble baths, painting my nails, SHAVING. The funny thing is, when I look at him, I don't miss any of those things. Much. (Okay, I really do miss shaving my legs regularly, I can't lie.) I guess maybe that's what being a mom feels like? The ability to put yourself last, willingly, and actually deriving happiness from putting someone else first. I always felt sorry for my mom growing up, seeing her struggle as a single parent and going without so that she could provide for her children. She's always told us that she likes to take care of us, that she didn't really mind going without. I never understood that until recently. I'm very thankful to have such a wonderful mom, and I hope I can be every bit as good of a mom to Asher, too. Even if I am a little cranky along the way.
0 comments:
Post a Comment