Week 31: Down to the Single Digits
Week 31. Approximately nine weeks to go. Nine. As in 9. As in no double digits. As in the beginning of the end that will mark the beginning of the hugest beginning I've ever embarked.
Oh, @&%$!
I'm scared of labor. I'm planning on having an epidural, which scares me, too. I've heard it doesn't hurt, but I know there's a giant needle involved that will be stuck in my spine and I know I'll have to have an IV. I've never had an IV before, and I don't want one. I've also read that they often put catheters in when you have an epidural. I don't want one of those, either. I don't like the idea of not being able to feel my lower half at all - this totally freaks me out. I've never had to stay in a hospital before - I've only had to go to the hospital for my own health once, and that was when I was seven for stitches in my leg - and even though I'll be delivering in a brand new, super nice, more-like-a-hotel-than-a-hospital hospital, I don't want to have to stay in the hospital. I'm scared of the pain, I'm scared of the stuff that takes away the pain, I'm scared of something going wrong...I'm just plain scared.
I know all of these feelings are normal and almost every woman has these fears regarding childbirth. However, I just want to feel excitement and elation. All this damn fear is putting a damper on things.
I am growing increasingly more excited with each passing day, though. Time has absolutely flown by, and now that the holidays are approaching, I know time will go by even more quickly. The baby's room has a CRIB set up in it now - though we still have to pick up the mattress from my mom's - and we've got a closet full of tiny clothes in which to don him. We have the car seat and stroller, so we can be as mobile as a newborn allows you to be. We've got diapering supplies, two diaper bags, grooming supplies, towels, a first aid kit, and, of course, my boobs. Baby Neener will be well-fed, clean, groomed, properly dressed, able to legally travel, and he won't have to sleep in a drawer. The panicking I was doing last month regarding feeling unprepared is beginning to subside as people have so graciously and generously helped out to fluff our little nest. Of course, other kinds of panicking are replacing the old panic (see previous paragraph), but feeling as if we have all the necessities before the baby arrives takes a huge weight off our shoulders.
Physically I'm doing pretty well - things are basically the same as they have been. My back is hurting more and I'm beginning to have more difficulty sleeping, but I had expected this. I bought a super sexy (NOT) maternity belly/back support belt just over a week ago, and it seems to help alleviate much of the pain. Or, at least, it makes it tolerable, and that's all I ask for. I've also been experiencing more pressure on my sciatic nerve this past week, which is ever so delightful. There's nothing like walking briskly to the bathroom at work because the baby suddenly decides to treat your bladder like a whoopee cushion and all of a sudden having your leg freeze up from your hip down to your knee, causing you to instinctively clutch your right buttock with your hand and hobble in a Frankenstein manner the rest of the way, praying to God the pain doesn't make you forget to hold your tinkle in. It's fun. For other people to witness. But, I haven't put on 80 pounds. As roly poly as I feel, I'm not miserable, and that's good enough for me.
Baby Neener is as active as ever. My favorite thing right now, other than searching for discounted Halloween baby items, is feeling him push and "slide" under my skin and trying to figure out what body part of his I'm feeling. Even though his kicks are at times uncomfortable and sometimes even slightly painful, it's an amazing feeling as his movements become more mature, no longer feeling like squirmy thumps but instead feeling like a tiny person is trying to break out of his uterine prison from within my body. I can't even begin to express how unbelievably excited I am to see this little guy for the first time, how much love I feel for him even as he's wiggling his toes defiantly in my ribcage and how much my love grows every day, how completely crazy the concept is that in a couple of months we'll be bringing a new person into our house, into our lives, into the world.
Despite all my whining, this motherhood thing - I think I'm really going to enjoy it. After the labor, of course.
Oh, @&%$!
I'm scared of labor. I'm planning on having an epidural, which scares me, too. I've heard it doesn't hurt, but I know there's a giant needle involved that will be stuck in my spine and I know I'll have to have an IV. I've never had an IV before, and I don't want one. I've also read that they often put catheters in when you have an epidural. I don't want one of those, either. I don't like the idea of not being able to feel my lower half at all - this totally freaks me out. I've never had to stay in a hospital before - I've only had to go to the hospital for my own health once, and that was when I was seven for stitches in my leg - and even though I'll be delivering in a brand new, super nice, more-like-a-hotel-than-a-hospital hospital, I don't want to have to stay in the hospital. I'm scared of the pain, I'm scared of the stuff that takes away the pain, I'm scared of something going wrong...I'm just plain scared.
I know all of these feelings are normal and almost every woman has these fears regarding childbirth. However, I just want to feel excitement and elation. All this damn fear is putting a damper on things.
I am growing increasingly more excited with each passing day, though. Time has absolutely flown by, and now that the holidays are approaching, I know time will go by even more quickly. The baby's room has a CRIB set up in it now - though we still have to pick up the mattress from my mom's - and we've got a closet full of tiny clothes in which to don him. We have the car seat and stroller, so we can be as mobile as a newborn allows you to be. We've got diapering supplies, two diaper bags, grooming supplies, towels, a first aid kit, and, of course, my boobs. Baby Neener will be well-fed, clean, groomed, properly dressed, able to legally travel, and he won't have to sleep in a drawer. The panicking I was doing last month regarding feeling unprepared is beginning to subside as people have so graciously and generously helped out to fluff our little nest. Of course, other kinds of panicking are replacing the old panic (see previous paragraph), but feeling as if we have all the necessities before the baby arrives takes a huge weight off our shoulders.
Physically I'm doing pretty well - things are basically the same as they have been. My back is hurting more and I'm beginning to have more difficulty sleeping, but I had expected this. I bought a super sexy (NOT) maternity belly/back support belt just over a week ago, and it seems to help alleviate much of the pain. Or, at least, it makes it tolerable, and that's all I ask for. I've also been experiencing more pressure on my sciatic nerve this past week, which is ever so delightful. There's nothing like walking briskly to the bathroom at work because the baby suddenly decides to treat your bladder like a whoopee cushion and all of a sudden having your leg freeze up from your hip down to your knee, causing you to instinctively clutch your right buttock with your hand and hobble in a Frankenstein manner the rest of the way, praying to God the pain doesn't make you forget to hold your tinkle in. It's fun. For other people to witness. But, I haven't put on 80 pounds. As roly poly as I feel, I'm not miserable, and that's good enough for me.
Baby Neener is as active as ever. My favorite thing right now, other than searching for discounted Halloween baby items, is feeling him push and "slide" under my skin and trying to figure out what body part of his I'm feeling. Even though his kicks are at times uncomfortable and sometimes even slightly painful, it's an amazing feeling as his movements become more mature, no longer feeling like squirmy thumps but instead feeling like a tiny person is trying to break out of his uterine prison from within my body. I can't even begin to express how unbelievably excited I am to see this little guy for the first time, how much love I feel for him even as he's wiggling his toes defiantly in my ribcage and how much my love grows every day, how completely crazy the concept is that in a couple of months we'll be bringing a new person into our house, into our lives, into the world.
Despite all my whining, this motherhood thing - I think I'm really going to enjoy it. After the labor, of course.
4 comments:
I can't wait to see little Neener either. Your blog brought tears to my eyes...either I'm too excited or my PMS is horrible this month
Your belly is too darn cute!
Nice gut!
I promise when labor kicks in your determination will overwhelm the fear! And remember the end result (Baby Neener) is way worth the pain! P.S. You're so cute your making me sick!
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