All Is Well

Kim and I went to Greenwood to visit the Major and the Colonel to see how they were doing while Mom and Dad were on holiday in Northern California.

The cats are doing fine.

While Mom and Dad are gone, they are being fed and are getting their bathroom cleaned by one of Mom's co-workers.

They were happy to see us. The Colonel enjoyed himself by climbing on everything including the beautifully pregnant Kim. The Major enjoyed himself be constantly being underfoot while I cooked dinner and washed a comforter.

Below are two pics that prove the the felines are indeed in great spirits even though they miss their parents and look forward to their homecoming this weekend.

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Sweater Weather Alert!

I realize it's totally lame to post about the weather, but when something other than an alarm clock or my bladder is able to drag my lazy pregnant butt out of bed before 11 a.m. on a Saturday morning, it just has to be documented.

It's currently a crisp 52 degrees outside, with a high today of 67, sunny, and the sky is a beautiful bright blue with fluffy white clouds.

Thank God fall is just around the corner - I love this weather. In celebration, I'm making myself a couple of hard-boiled eggs, toast, and chocolate milk for brunch (in lieu of my usual oatmeal or cold cereal), and afterward, I may even feel motivated enough to clean out the remaining mess of the office that's still lurking in Baby Neener's room. Or at least some of it.

I know how to live it up.

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The Lone Pregnant Woman

It appears I have lost my two cohorts in pregnancy just since this weekend.

Stephen's cousin, Cassie, had her baby boy, John "Jack" Riley, on Saturday. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to see the little squirt, yet, but Stephen was able to drop in for a brief visit with the Doyles yesterday after his work training in Cincinnati. I can see from the pictures he took he's certainly quite the little cutie, but I look forward to hopefully finding this out for myself soon. Baby Neener is very excited to have yet another little boy in the family to romp around with at all the *yawn* family gatherings.

Dawn had her baby girl, Emerson Paige, late Monday morning. I visited them in the hospital yesterday evening, and they both appeared to be doing great. Emmie had some issues during labor - she apparently thought she needed to come into the world all dolled-up for her awaiting audience. Unfortunately, a girl doesn't have access to many accessories in the womb, so the creative little gal tried to make herself a necklace out of her umbilical cord. Fortunately, her fashion faux-pas didn't do much harm - she did have to have ample tests run on her and was placed in the NICU, but she's doing well now.

I only have this picture Dawn sent to me off her cell phone (of course I forgot my camera yesterday), but you can be certain I'll have more pictures of her up in the near future. I have to say that Baby Neener's future girlfriend (you know, as soon as he gets his butt out of the womb, too) is quite the looker. I think I'm going to have to keep my eye on him...

Congratulations to Cassie & Pete and to Dawn & Jim! I'm sad to lose my pregnancy sisters, but relieved to gain two more people who can show me the ropes when Baby Neener arrives in his clueless mommy's arms in a few months.

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Baby Neener's Future Friends?

I received word today that Dawn is going to be induced into labor this upcoming Monday. I'm so thrilled! I mean, not only because I'm happy that she'll finally get to meet her baby daughter, but because I can get a head start on the approval screening process. See, Dawn and I have decided that our children will be boyfriend/girlfriend and will eventually wed. Dawn, I hope you realize I'm going to need some evenings of watching your child for you so I can get a full grasp of her character and integrity. I don't want my son marrying a floozy, you know. Of course, when Baby Neener arrives, I would highly recommend you do the same thing because with him being my child, he's very apt to have no self control.

And speaking of questionable characters, look at the picture of Rowan I found while perusing The Daily Squink. I guess this picture doesn't surprise me too much, considering the last time I held him he practically mauled me trying to get into my shirt to my boobs. Is this the sort of fellow my child is going to pal around with and look up to?!

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Thoughts on Having a Son

Our ultrasound was this morning, and we had very happy results:

(1) Baby Neener appears to be healthy and normal.

(2) Baby Neener is a BOY.

And, he apparently likes to flaunt his junk. The technician plopped the do-hickey wand on my belly and at the first image that popped up when she focused on the baby she exclaimed, "It's a boy!! He's got it all hanging out right there!" See, she had forewarned us when we first arrived that sometimes they can't tell the gender if the baby isn't in a certain position. I said to Stephen that knowing our child, it probably wouldn't cooperate and after all this we wouldn't get to find out the sex. He said, nah, knowing our child, it'll be spread eagle. Does Stephen know his son well, or what?!

It's funny because it seems like everyone except me knew what I was going to have a long time ago, and sure enough, out of that 50/50 shot, everyone was right. I really had no "sense" or "feeling" on what the baby is, and I really had no strong preference for either. Granted, being a woman, I have to admit a big part of me wanted a little girl to baby and dress up. But, over the past couple of months I'd heard so many people state their predictions that Baby Neener is a boy that I had really kind of gotten myself excited at the prospect of having a son. I think I'm most looking forward to witnessing the development of the father-son bond between Stephen and Baby Neener. When I asked him about how he felt about having a son, he quickly stated he's excited because now he'll finally have someone with whom to play golf and other sports. For me, a girl who grew up solely with other women, this will be a BIG learning experience. But, I have to say there's something strangely comforting about knowing I'll have a son. It's almost like we'll have a back-up man of the house for killing spiders and scrubbing the litterbox and cleaning out fuzzy things in the refrigerator that have made their way to the back, back corner. You know, all those gross things that I don't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. Boys are just cool in that respect - they're tough and don't mind doing crap like that. Or, at least, they put on a good face about it.

I really hope Baby Neener has his daddy's wonderful sense of character and personality. I've always said that Stephen isn't like the stereotypical man - he's not harsh, overly opinionated, stubborn, womanizing, selfish, focused only on sex. I thank God every day he is the sweet, caring man that he is and I hope he passes on some of those sweet genes to our son. Sure, I'll be honest, sometimes I get annoyed when he wants to go visit his parents or my parents on a weekly basis, or when I can't get through to him on his cell phone because he's been on the other line with his mom. But overall, I think it's that family-oriented nature of his that makes him such a devoted and great husband, and soon-to-be father. He really is going to be the best dad ever, and I'm so grateful that, God willing, my child is going to grow up in a household that has two parents so committed to each other and their family. And, since I've been pregnant and am starting to think about some things from a totally different perspective than I used to, I look at Maryann and my mother and realize how lucky they are, that their children actually want to spend time with them and care for them. I can only pray that our children will be as good to us in the future.

Mainly, though, I'm just absolutely THRILLED that there are two arms and two legs where they're supposed to be, and the brain, kidneys, stomach, bladder, and heart seem to be functioning properly. Of course I won't let my guard down too much...there's always the chance that something will go wrong with my child, whether while still inside my body, during birth, or at any point up until I die. It's the curse parents are stricken with for the rest of their lives - horrible worry and fear over their child's well-being.

But for now, at this moment in time, I can breathe easy and be ecstatic over our sweet, healthy boy fetus.

And most importantly of all, I can finally add some gender-specific products to our baby registries!

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A Little Nervous and a Lot Excited

I can't remember the last time, if ever, I felt this strange mix of emotions that I'm feeling this evening as I await going to my ultrasound tomorrow morning. It's kind of like the excitement I feel on Christmas Eve, mixed with the anxiety I used to feel on the day before the first day of school after summer break, peppered in with a little dread which I feel before any doctor's visit.

Good grief - how crazy am I going to feel when I start going into labor?!

I can't express the impatience I've had since the moment I found out I was pregnant. On the one hand, I want to know EVERYTHING, and I want to know it RIGHT NOW - I want to know the gender; his/her name; his/her personality; his/her interests; his/her career choice; his/her spouse; his/her children. On the other hand, I'm actually a little sad that this pregnancy is going by so quickly and it's already time to find out the gender (even though there for awhile I thought I'd be stuck in my first trimester FOREVER). Yes, yes, I know - I could just let the anticipation linger a bit longer and wait until the delivery, but I think it's important for us to find out so we can prepare for Baby Neener as best as we can. I realize it sounds ridiculous to say this while my baby is still in the womb, but I can't help but feel like he/she is already growing up way too quickly. Gosh, I mean, it seems like just yesterday Baby Neener was just a tiny Embryo Neener! And then, of course, beneath those feelings I'm worried they will find something wrong with the baby tomorrow.

To top it all off? I have to try to remember to give myself a cut-off time early tomorrow morning after which I cannot tinkle, as I have been sternly instructed to arrive with a FULL bladder for the ultrasound.

I feel like 8:45 a.m. is about a million years away right now and I can't decide if I want it to hurry up and fly by or if I want to savor the waiting period for as long as I can.

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Week 21: Entering the World of Mommy Pants

I am now in my 21st week of pregnancy, which is quite a big milestone as I am officially just over halfway through incubating Baby Neener. As rough as it's been at times, this pregnancy is still managing to fly by - before we know it, we'll be diapering Baby Neener's little baby butt.

This past week has also marked my surrender to maternity clothes. Granted, I have been wearing some maternity tops for a couple of months, but they were pretty baggy and I still had the option of wearing my regular clothes. But now my relationship with my old clothes seems to be over, or at least on pause - my button-down tops don't exactly button as they should over my belly or my bust anymore, and my regular tops are too short to cover up the bella bands which hold up my regular pants because they only fit when totally unfastened. And the bella bands are another story - Angela gave me two to borrow, and I've worn them religiously for the past couple of months as my belly has expanded. But, as the expansion continues, the bands are becoming more uncomfortable and less efficient at holding up my pants - I find them constantly sliding up my back and belly, leaving my unzipped zipper exposed and my pants hanging just barely onto my hips. It's time, I suppose, to move into maternity pant world. Luckily, Angela and Dawn have given me lots of maternity clothes already. The tops fit wonderfully, so I won't have to buy many of these at all. Unfortunately, though, my legs are shorter than most, so I'm unable to wear Angela's pants and will have to buy some myself. I've already bought one pair of jeans and two pairs of work pants, so I really only need to buy maybe another pair of casual pants and work pants and I should be good to go. But then I also have to worry about my darn boobs, who no longer think they need to fit inside the many perfectly good bras I already own. I've now grown a cup size since April, and from what I can tell, there's probably another cup size to go. I'm just praying my feet don't grow, too, as many women's supposedly do. Call me clueless, because I know I am, or at least I was, but I had no idea this whole baby-making project would require a complete new wardrobe!

Baby Neener's eyelids have apparently finished forming this week and he/she is about eight and a half inches long now and weighs around twelve ounces. I can tell that Baby Neener has really become much stronger in the past week, as I've been noticing more and more movement in my belly. That, or Baby Neener has recently found a way to pop popcorn inside my uterus. Either way, it's a pretty exciting milestone! I find myself spending much time with my hand on my belly feeling the tiny bumps from the outside of my body, and if I lay on my back and look at my bare stomach, I can see it twitch from time to time. Unfortunately, Stephen has been unable to detect these movements for the most part. Today, he finally felt one, but didn't believe me that it was, in fact, the baby's kick he was feeling. He stated that it just felt like a muscle twitch. I retorted, that's exactly what it feels like. So he questioned, well then how do you know it's not just a muscle spasm? I kindly informed him that I've never noticed my lower abdomen to be of a highly twitchy nature and it would be a pretty big coincidence if my lower abdomen decided to become spazzy right around the same exact time that the doctor, all of the books I've been reading, and all of my peers say is the time I should start to feel real fetal movements. Besides, I told him, the baby isn't big or strong enough yet to kick with enough force that would produce much more than this twitching sensation. This shut him up, but I still don't think I fully convinced him. Fortunately, we visited my mom this weekend and not only did she feel a baby twitch or two, but she also saw the movement of my spazzy belly. So, ha! I have at least one witness to the activities of my squirrely baby.

This Friday is a very important day for us, as I will have my ultrasound done and we will finally find out the gender of Baby Neener. I've been surprised by the number of people I've encountered who become discouraged when I tell them we aren't waiting until birth to find out the gender. Really, why does it matter? The gender is already determined - it was at the moment of conception - it's just a matter of whether or not we're aware of it. And why not find out as soon as you can, so you can better prepare? It's funny because I didn't realize how much of a touchy issue this is for many people - I just assumed that since they have the technology now, that most people do find out the gender at their ultrasounds. Apparently there are still a lot of traditionalists out there - obviously these people have loads more patience than what I do, and I admire them for that, really I do. However, my message to those folks is - don't worry yourself for our sake, because it will be just as magical when we find out the gender at our ultrasound as it would be if we waited until the birth. The way I see it, the birth is going to be magical no matter whether you already know the sex or not; after all, that will be the first time we'll get to meet our baby, our own flesh and blood. And, if you are still totally opposed to our finding out whether it's a Boy Neener or a Girl Neener, just let me know - I'll be more than happy to withhold the news from you until I deliver!

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Just a Wee Fetus and Already Completely Spoiled

I think I've figured out why my four year old niece, Ella, is so excited that Aunt Kimmie is going to give her a baby cousin. Turns out, she appears to be reaping many benefits from our procreational plans. Of course, this isn't to say she wasn't already pampered to begin with; quite the contrary, the kid has so many toys, games, movies, and books that you'd think there were four grandchildren living at my parents' house. However, since we've decided to start popping out my mother's grandchildren, some additional perks have arisen for the tike - see below.

This past weekend and probably at least another couple of weekends to come was and will be spent erecting the newest addition to the grandchildren's play paradise, aka, my parents' backyard. So far, they have an inflatable wading pool, a sandbox (which they do cover up when not in use so animals can't potty in it - the reason my mother preferred us not to play in sandboxes at the parks when we were little), a child-sized picnic table, and the beginnings of a huge playset monstrosity that will consist of two slides, a fort, two swings, a baby swing, and a glider swing. As you can see from the picture below, after the playset had begun to be erected, even my parents seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by the size of it. Will that stop their madness? Oh no. My mother is completely ecstatic over her plans to become ruler of all grandchildren near and far - the next project is going to be a playhouse.

My mother's ultimate goal? She flat out told me: Baby Neener will not want to be at home; Baby Neener will want to be at NeeNee & Papa's all the time. She even "threatened" that there will be some Friday evenings when she will come down straight after work, will pick up Baby Neener and take him/her back to her house (and I will not be invited), and if we're lucky we'll get him/her back on Sunday.

My response to that is, You call that a threat? My mother's quest to be the best grandmother ever could really work to our advantage. And, if we could just get Stephen's mother on board to strive to become most crazed grandmother, too, I have a feeling we'll be lucky enough to have all our weekends free and not have to spend a dime on babysitters.

Mothers are wonderful creatures, God bless them.

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Week 19: Good News from the Doc

This morning I took a couple of hours off for some much needed rest after I overdid it a little this weekend. I am so happy that I did. My doctor's office called and left a message requesting I call them regarding my test results from the bloodwork I had done just over a week ago at my last appointment. Needless to say, I totally freaked out because they never call when the results are negative. In fact, for past tests, I've always been told they'll only contact me if something is wrong. I nervously returned the call and - hallelujah! - the results were negative for any abnormalties with the baby. If I hadn't been there to receive that message this morning, I wouldn't have gotten it until after work, which means I would have had to have waited until tomorrow morning to call and get the results, which means I would have gotten ZERO sleep and probably an ulcer from worrying.

Anyway, long story short, Baby Neener appears to be doing great so far. Our ultrasound is just over two weeks away, and I'm hoping we get good results from it, too - i.e., images of a HEALTHY Baby Neener without any legs coming out of his/her head! Stephen is adamant that he doesn't care whether we're having a girl or a boy, as long as the baby's healthy. I have to agree with him. I keep saying, I don't care if it's a girl or a boy, as long as it's one of the two, and not some weird combination of the two. Of course I would still love my baby if it was transgender, don't get me wrong, but I would hate for my child to endure such a hardship.

Week 19 developmental updates: Baby Neener is about seven and a half inches long and weighs about seven ounces, his/her kidneys are making urine, and hair is beginning to grow on his/her head.

As for me, I'm continually growing more and more ecstatic about the little person growing inside of me while, as you can see from the picture, my belly is ecstatic to just be continually growing and growing.

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Charlie Anxiously Awaitsthe Arrival of Baby Neener

For some reason, Charlie isn't the biggest fan of dress up time, but he puts up less of a fight than the other two. He partially humors me, but says he can't wait for his Meowmie to have a real baby so she'll leave him the hell alone.

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Survival of Another Doctor's Visit

This morning we went to our third prenatal appointment with the doctor. Overall, I don't mind going to these appointments - we get to listen to the baby's heartbeat, and we get to get out of work for a couple of hours for a legitimate reason. However, I also find these appointments incredibly nervewracking. Like...how it took the nurse what seemed like ten minutes to find the baby's heartbeat. In actuality, it probably only took her 30 seconds, but her saying, "Where is it? Where is it?" repeatedly freaked me out more than just a little bit. Then, I got the pleasure of having more blood drawn....and we all know how much I love needles and blood. And, the lady didn't use a baby needle on me like the other lady did the last time. Bitch.

Everything was fine, though - Baby Neener's heart is still a-poundin', my tinkle sample was tested and is "normal," my uterus was measured and it's of "normal" size and proportion, I haven't blimped up (YET - I weighed exactly the same as last time, but my doctor didn't seem concerned about it - my luck I'll pack on 20 pounds in the next four weeks), and we scheduled our next appointment - the big one, the ULTRASOUND. I hadn't been aware of this, but nowadays you can bring in a blank DVD and they'll actually record the ultrasound for you - how cool! We are soooooo looking forward to this visit, we can hardly stand it. Although, this will be the moment of truth - whether Baby Neener does, in fact, have a leg growing out of the side of its head.

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Week 17 and Feeling Pretty Good

Finally, at the beginning of my seventeenth week, excitement is starting to take over as the lead emotion in this crazy mind of mine.

My belly is definitely beginning to grow. My gut is not terribly obvious yet to outsiders, but to me, it's blindingly clear that a baby is taking over my body. And surprisingly? I am loving my newly rounded belly. I was certain I would hate getting larger, but instead I find myself constantly touching and rubbing my tiny baby Buddha belly. When people point out that my stomach is apparently large for how far along I am (although I really don't think I look that big for it being my fourth month, but then again, I'm clueless), I actually feel happy and proud about it. Although, I must say, I really could do without the insinuations regarding me having twins. Not funny. Seriously not funny, people!

My nausea is almost all gone. I still feel a little pukey if I don't keep something in my stomach or when I get really tired, but it's nothing like the nausea I experienced the past two months. I'm still tired and my energy is low, but I haven't been falling asleep at my desk anymore. I'm beginning to get more backaches, but I kind of enjoy being able to ask Stephen to give me a backrub without my feeling guilty in return. After all, it is his child giving me these backaches, right? The only really annoying "symptoms" I still have are heartburn and lack of appetite. The only things I really seem to enjoy eating these days are Salsa Verde Doritos and Ritter's pineapple custard with the special sprinkles like Sycamore Ice Cream (from our hometown) uses.

Also, and this is just more of a maybe, but I think I've been starting to feel Baby Neener squirming around a bit. People have been trying to describe the feelings of what "fluttering" or "quickening" feels like, and of course, every single description has been different. I say, "So-and-so told me it felt like this to her when she first started feeling her baby move." And the response I always get is, "Really?! That's weird. Didn't feel like that at all to me - it's more like this kind of a feeling." So far, my cousin Kiley has given me the closest description to what I've felt - she ran her fingertip across the open palm of my hand and said it feels like that inside your belly. The sensation I've been having is sort of like that, but feels more like that weird feeling you get from sticking your finger deep in your bellybutton and wiggling it around (sadly, I know what this feels like because my mom has always delighted in torturing my sister and I by poking her finger deep into our bellybuttons and wiggling it around while we would squeal both from the tickling and from the horrible heeby-jeebies it would give us), only it's not in my bellybutton but inside my lower abdomen. I really hope this is Baby Neener I'm feeling. Otherwise, I don't know what the funk is going on down there.

We've begun setting up our baby registries, as well. Sure, it may be a little early to do so now, but considering how indecisive we are about things, we need all the time we can get to figure out what we want. So far, we've registered at Babies 'R' Us, Target, and Wal-Mart. You know, not because we want to register for everything under the stars, but just because we want to give people plenty of options if they so generously opt to purchase a gift for Baby Neener. We're only thinking about giving people options and convenience, you know. Stephen's love of obsessively researching various things for hours on end has usually gotten on my nerves in the past, but I have to admit I'm very much appreciating his sweet research skills right now. It's very overwhelming looking at all this baby stuff and not knowing what's needed, what's good and what's crap, and what the hell some of this stuff even is!

Now for the most important news: Baby Neener update! Baby Neener is about 6 1/2 inches long and weighs about four ounces. The ears are fully formed and in their final position (which I pray are on either side of his/her head) so, therefore, the sense of hearing is developing. Baby Neener is also beginning to form fat tissue. Wonderful. I just knew I needed to be eating more pineapple custard with sprinkles. We will be going to the doctor this Friday for our third prenatal exam. I don't think anything major will be taking place at this visit, other than hopefully getting to listen to the heartbeat again (our baby has a beating heart, how cool!!!) and I'll be having some bloodwork done to test for abnormalities with Baby Neener.

And now for the highly demanded belly pic! Um....looking at it....yeah, I kind of do look big....(eek!!!!!)

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I've Got Serious Talent

Recently having developed superhuman gag reflexes, I am now dubbing myself the Queen of Gagging. And, I've discovered this week it's not a pleasure to save just for teeth brushing time. Oh, my goodness, no. I find gagging so delightful that now I've pretty much decided I can gag at the drop of a hat. Literally. Drop your hat and I'll gag for you.

At least a few times a week I have issues brushing my teeth. Either my tongue or my back teeth decide they just do not want to be touched at all by Mr. Toothbrush, or toothpaste/saliva/rinse water will hit the back of my mouth at just the right (wrong) spot, and all hell breaks loose. As annoying as this is, and as much as I find this behavior completely unnecessary, I've learned to deal with - even laugh at - it. I mean, how retarded is it that I puke after brushing my teeth? And then, after puking from brushing, is it wise to brush again? Just think of the possible chain reaction!

But now I'm beginning to wonder if my mouth didn't hire a bouncer without consulting me first. Last night, trying to be a good mother to Baby Neener, I had a healthy dinner of a small portion of ceasar pasta salad, then a healthy snack of a peach, and another healthy snack of a very small bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats before bed. (Remember, I have to pretty much constantly eat to ward off nausea and, because I find it difficult lately to eat much more than kid-sized portions, I'm always hungry.) To top it all off, to nail down my Mother-of-the-Year Award, I took a prenatal vitamin. And then I proceeded to gag more violently than I can remember ever doing before, ran into the bathroom, and "released" all of Baby Neener's nourishment for the evening across the toilet lid.

As if that's not bad enough, at lunch I took a bite of my sandwich and gagged on it. No spewing involved this time, but it was frightening. I don't know what my body is trying to tell me. I thought brushing one's teeth, taking prenatal vitamins for the fetus, and eating were all good things...have I been mistaken all this time?

Only good I can find in this whole situation is that I've definitely lost my fear of puking. In fact, I feel I've become quite good at it. Not exactly a skill I had wanted to hone, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

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"Cravings"

I've heard and read that many, if not most, women during their pregnancies experience food cravings. Now, I have yet to have any food cravings...there are foods that make me want to yak less than other foods, but that's a far cry from a craving, if you ask me. However, and I haven't heard or read anything on this, I swear I've been experiencing cravings that are non-food related. Is it possible to crave things other than food during pregnancy? Granted, I normally like these things, but in the past few weeks I've been pining away for them, even fantasizing about them. I can't attribute this sudden desire to anything other than me being pregnant. Anyone else experienced this in their pregnancy? Here are a few of the really strong ones:

* Bath & Body Works' Country Apple scented lotion. It reminds me of autumn and my freshman year at Purdue.

* 80's new wave music. In particular, I "just can't get enough" of early Depeche Mode, New Order, and The Cure. Also can't stop listening to Culture Club's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" and Madonna's "Get Into the Groove" on my iPod.

* Autumn. I am DYING for October to get here...Sweater weather, the look and smell of changing leaves, pumpkins, corny kids' Halloween movies on Disney (because real horror movies are too scary for me), crisp cool sunny days, caramel apples, apple cider with cinnamon sprinkled on top, the sound of Stephen watching football on tv....If I could go to bed with a season, Fall would be rocking my world.

* Origins' Ginger Essence perfume. (A) I swear it's helped with my nausea, (B) in my mind, it's what autumn smells like, and (C) it reminds me of getting married (I think I first fell in love with this fragrance just a couple of weeks before we got married).

* 90's music that either was popular or that I listened to a lot when I was in high school/early college....Pearl Jam, Our Lady Peace, Smashing Pumpkins' "Siamese Dream" and "Mellon Collie..." albums, The Cardigans "First Band on the Moon" album, Gin Blossoms, Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot", The Cure's "Wish" album....Oh the memories, man....

* Having the windows open in the house, watching the curtains dance in the breeze, listening to the birds chirp and the neighbors' windchimes sing, or at night, listening to the crickets being all crickety.

* Being with my mom...I wish I could see her every day!

* Taking a relaxing weekend trip and staying at a bed & breakfast. I'd love to go to Charleston or Savannah, but with our newly reduced budget, maybe we could try Madison, IN, instead? My favorite mother-in-law had suggested this a long time ago, but we never went. I think we need a little babymoon or two!

Upon review of my list, I think I might have a slight obsession right now with autumn - like, a restraining order type of obsession. Moreover, I realize that all of these things bring me comfort in some way...From the obvious comfort of having my mom around, to certain songs or genres of music reminding me of comforting times in my past...Maybe this is my soul's way of trying to counteract all the freaking out that's been going on in my mind lately and bring me back down to reality. A reminder that everything will be okay, and that even when I think I'm losing my mind, I can still find relief and comfort in certain things that remind me of how good life is.

Or maybe, just maybe, and probably, this entire post is just an illustration that the emotional instabilities I've yet to experience (SHOCKINGLY) are starting to take over my mind.

You may need to excuse any posts I make in the next few months. Make that a year.

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Week 15: Let the Freaking Out Begin!

I think this is the first week I've really started to think - like seriously think - about everything that's going on and changing in our lives. To be perfectly honest, it's pretty damn scary. Don't get me wrong - I know in the grand scheme of things that the changes that are taking place are wonderful and are changes we want to make in our lives, but that doesn't alter the fact that I'm terrified of change - planned or unplanned.

Stephen is currently looking for a new job. The least dramatic way to put it is, he's working on transitioning from his current new job into something hopefully better. I know this is putting a terrible amount of stress and worry on my poor husband, although he's such a sweetheart and doesn't show much of this worry to me so as not to burden me with that aspect of our lives. Although I'm carrying a growing buttload of burden both on my shoulders and in my gut, it bothers me that he should have to have this stress right now. He's such a smart guy, a hard worker, the nicest man you'll ever meet who truly would do anything for anyone and actually want to do it, and honestly a better husband than I could have ever wished for. He deserves to be happy and successful in a career, and it drives me crazy that he's continually dumped on. Despite the setback this is potentially putting on our plans, we're trying to think positively and hope for the best - that maybe something better will come along and I'll still get to eventually quit work for awhile and take care of the family. We know deep down it'll all work out and everything will be fine, but it's still aggravating that crap like this happens when things seem to be going our way. C'est la vie, I suppose.

And along the lines of work, I have been struggling with work, myself, the past few weeks. For starters, there are changes taking place that aren't seeming to be good changes and are making quite a number of us unhappy. This is stressful all on its own, but coupling it with the fact that I'm so exhausted and often just plain not feeling well makes it ten times worse. Seriously, working feels like torture lately and it's so hard to just suck it up and grin and bear it. Please say a prayer for me that my hormones won't make me go crazy one of these days and snap. As Nicole Richie was supposedly quoted in one of the "reliable" tabloids recently, "I don't want to have a jail baby!"

Oh, and the baby worries! Let's see...Saturday morning I woke up and was petrified that I'd somehow smooshed the baby during sleep and started freaking out that I ought to go to the doctor and hear the heartbeat, just to make sure it was still there. Thankfully, Stephen slept about an hour longer than I did, which was just long enough for me to talk some sense into myself. If I forget to take my prenatal vitamin one day? OH MY GOD, worst mother ever, RIGHT HERE! There's a part of me that's convinced my baby is going to be all shriveled up and deformed, because there have been a few days I did not take a damn precious vitamin. We get our ultrasound in a couple of months, and I'm trying to prepare myself for the news that our baby is both male and female....or that he/she only has one arm....or one foot....or maybe a leg where an arm should be....AND, here's a good one - WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND CURTAINS THE SAME SHADE OF ANTIQUE WHITE AS THE CURTAIN ROD THAT DON'T COST AN ARM AND A LEG?! Because until we get that ultrasound, I don't know if my baby can afford an arm or a leg!

I know these are just the beginning - the very, very tip of the iceburg - of a whole lifelong list of worries we'll have involving the wellbeing of this child. It comes with the territory, I know. I'm right now just trying to convince myself that it's a good sign that I have worries, that I'm concerned about our baby's welfare and lifestyle. Maybe it doesn't mean I'm crazy; maybe it means I'm ready to become a mother, ready to be a responsible parent, but just not sure what to expect. It's kind of exciting, the whole unknown of it all. It's also unbelievably terrifying and leaves me feeling out of control. And to think we planned all of this confusion....

Okay, here's what's apparently happening with Baby Neener this week, assuming all of my strange worries are hopefully false and just plain ridiculous: Baby Neener is five inches and weighs two ounces; Baby Neener's skin is so thin and transparent the blood vessels can be seen through it; Baby Neener's bones are beginning to ossify (are hardening from cartilage into bone); Baby Neener's ears are still developing externally and looking more normal; and, Baby Neener's eyes are still moving toward the nose, away from the sides of the head. (And there's another fear just implanted in my mind - Baby Neener being born with eyes on the sides of his/her head. Poor Baby Neener - what a sad picture I've painted in my mind of our unborn child.)

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Week 14: A Light at the End of the Tunnel?

It's the beginning of my fourteenth week of pregnancy, the beginning of my second trimester, and hopefully the beginning of the more enjoyable section of my pregnancy.

Things have slowly began to progress in the positive direction, as far as me feeling better is concerned. I no longer feel nauseous 24/7. On good days, I only feel nauseous when I allow myself to get too hungry or too sleepy. On bad days, the nausea comes and goes in constant waves throughout the day and I feel like a someone's backed over me with a Mack truck. But still, even on bad days, I can definitely say I don't feel nearly as bad as I did that first month and a half. With that said, hopefully that explains why I haven't been posting to my blogs or keeping in touch with my beloved family and friends as well as I normally do. It's a strange experience so far, this whole pregnancy thing: for months I was dying to get here, and now that I am, I've unfortunately felt as if pregnancy is just this giant boulder that has fallen on top of me. There for quite some time, my days consisted of being miserable at work from 8:30-5:00, coming home and crawling into bed, forcing myself to eat something for dinner in bed, and then moaning and crying myself to sleep. Weekends pretty much were the same, minus the being miserable at work part, spent in bed trying to muster the energy to take a shower, which would wear me out so much I'd have to spend the rest of the day in bed. E-mailing or calling anyone, let alone doing any social activities, seemed to be impossible tasks, and I had zero desire to be on the computer for more than ten minutes at a time.

Thankfully, things are improving. Though most weekday evenings are spent at home in my pajamas whining, at least I'm able to spend them outside of my bedroom. The past several weekends have actually been busy and required traveling. Though these trips have been exhausting, I have to admit it's felt pretty darn good to get out of the house for a day or two. My appetite still isn't anywhere near back to normal and I'm still sharpening my skills at toothbrush puking, but overall I am hopeful that I'm on the road to second trimester bliss and leaving crummy first trimesterville.

What I am most happy about, though, is that with the first trimester woes waning away, the excitement and joy of having a baby is finally starting to set in. I've been well enough to shop in small doses and have bought a few baby clothes, blankets and toys. We picked out colors for the nursery this weekend. The most exciting thing that has happened, though, is that on Friday we went to our second doctor's appointment and got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. That's right! Baby Neener has a heart! And it beats! The nurse, of course, thought I was a dumbass for proclaiming this realization, but she just didn't understand how I had convinced myself I was plagued with some rare and horrible illness that had symptoms identical to those of pregnancy. It was mind-boggling to hear those swish-swish sounds of our baby's heart and, again, realize that a person is growing inside of me. How is that possible?! Probably like most people, I was never able to fully grasp the whole concept of the miracle of life until now, as it's happening inside of me.

Anyway, we won't have an ultrasound for another two whole months, which is agonizing because we're dying to know whether Baby Neener is a girl neener or a boy neener. I, personally, am predicting it'll be one of the two.

Also, I'm apparently at the fringe of beginning to show. I've had two people, one a stranger and one who works in my building, come up and ask if I'm expecting. Thankfully for them, I am and having them recognize this made my day. The first was an elderly woman whom I encountered in a McDonald's restroom last week. I was wearing a baby doll top that day, so I'm sure that's really where she got the impression I was pregnant, but it was fun nonetheless. I've read about how random strangers will give you unwelcome advice when you're pregnant, but I haven't found any suggestions on how to receive unwelcome life stories from people when you're pregnant. Case in point: elderly McDonald's fellow restroom user shared with me while she tinkled how she never got married or had children, and now is a lonely 79 year-old woman who has no one to care for her and she regrets every day her decision to be so ambitious in her younger years. What do you say to that?! I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, um....(awkward silence). Don't get me wrong, I really feel bad for the woman; she was so sweet and nice and I'm sure she deserves a nice big family to take care of her in her golden years. And, I'm sure she only told me all of that to make me appreciate what I have going on in my life. But I'm a stranger. In a public restroom. It could only have been more awkward if she had directly asked me to take her home with me. Anyway, second time my pregnancy was spotted was on Friday, only a couple of hours after my doctor's appointment. This time I was not wearing a babydoll top, so I count this as my first official belly spotting. How exciting - I'm getting fat and the world is taking note!

According to my weekly e-mail update from the American Pregnancy Association, Baby Neener is about four inches long and weighs almost two ounces. The arms are lengthening and becoming more proportionate to the rest of the body. The liver is now producting bile, and the spleen is producing red blood cells. The brain has developed enough to allow Baby Neener to start making facial expressions, such as squinting, grimacing and frowning. Baby Neener may even be able to start sucking his/her thumb already!

Here's a picture of my 14-week old gut. Thanks to Angela for the comfy pants - she gave me several much appreciated bags of "fat"/maternity clothes to borrow. Please excuse the panty line - my word, how crude of me!

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My Gemini Twins

Finding one person who shares your birthday is rare enough, but finding two? And those two people being a mother and her daughter? Impossible, you say? No, really, it's true!

Happy birthday, Laurie and Miss Sloan! I couldn't pick a more fabulous couple of gals with whom to share my birthday!

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Happy Birthday, Amers!

You are my most favorite little sister in all of the land. I hope you are having a lovely birthday, and I wish I could be there to share it with you. I love you bunches, Amie Elzabeth!

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Week 10

So this is apparently my tenth week of pregnancy. And apparently, this whole baby thing still doesn't seem quite real to me, yet.

Dawn, who is due in September, recommended that I sign up for weekly e-mails from the American Pregnancy Association. Every Monday, they will send me a nice little e-mail informing me of the changes both I and my baby will be going through over the course of that week. Yesterday I received my first e-mail. I learned that, apparently, the majority of our baby's vital organs are functioning, though obviously they are far from mature at this point. The baby's head currently takes up about one-half of the length of the body, which is about two inches long, and there is a bulge in the forehead allowing for brain development. Here's some exciting news: this week, the fingernails, toenails, and hair will begin to become visible. The fingers are now no longer webbed and he/she is actively swallowing amniotic fluid and kicking his/her legs. That's right: LEGS! With which TO KICK! Of course the baby has legs, I know, but OH MY GOD I'm growing something inside of me that has LEGS! And can KICK!

So far, my favorite aspect of pregnancy is the horrendous NAUSEA that haunts me day in and day out. Though I'm not throwing up, there have definitely been a couple of close calls, usually when Ms. Toothbrush visits Chomperstown. If the pasty dirty mouth taste wouldn't aggravate my nausea further, I think I'd like to just give up brushing my teeth altogether for the time being. Because of the nausea, I have absolutely ZERO appetite whatsoever, but am constantly having to force myself to eat (and I mean constantly) because when my stomach gets empty the nausea becomes ten times as bad. And heartburn....I must be lucky, because most women I've spoken to have seemed amazed that I am experiencing heartburn this early on. I guess I just like to live life to the fullest. Aside from that, I'm really enjoying the life-sucking exhaustion that makes me feel too tired to even breathe sometimes. I had to leave work early yesterday afternoon because I was feeling so bad, and came home and slept for four hours solid. I was concerned I wouldn't be able to sleep that night since I'd taken such a long nap, but silly me, 11:00 rolled around and I was out like a light and slept until 8:20 this morning. Of course, if I didn't have to get out of bed three times during the night to tinkle, I might feel a bit more rested.

Luckily, though, my discomfort level varies each day; I have bad days and "better" days, so it's not constant misery. I also realize that in a couple of weeks I'll be moving into my second trimester, so hopefully the first trimester woes will soon be a thing of the past. I haven't had mood swings any crazier than usual, and I haven't experienced any constipation which apparently plagues many pregnant women. For my still regular poops, I am quite thankful! And, most importantly, I have an awesome husband who I'll never be able to thank enough for putting up with my whininess and taking such good care of me. Hopefully, he will accept his firstborn child, which I'm currently incubating, as a sufficient token of my gratitude.

I know in this picture it almost looks like I'm starting to show, but my doctor told me last week that my abdomen is a little bloated from all the hormones coursing through me. So, I blame the hormones, not the two-inch long baby, for my start-of-a-gut.

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Apparently, It's Finally Happening

They (two little at-home pregnancy tests and the doctor) tell us we're going to have a baby. I'm still in shock, though, and don't quite believe the news yet. After all this time, it seems too good to be true. And quite frankly, I'd started to convince myself it just wasn't going to happen.

We gave up trying to not get pregnant in September. That previous month, in August, a miraculous thing happened - I was a few days late, and the thought entered our minds that I could be pregnant...and that thought, for once, did not freak us out. In fact, we were even a little disappointed when I did start. This made us question ourselves and the mantra we'd had for years that maybe in a "couple" of years we'd maybe start thinking about maybe starting a family. And here, all of a sudden, the idea of starting a family did not feel like a complete nightmare.

Contrary to every single health and sex education lesson we've had since middle school, it turns out it is, in fact, quite possible to not get pregnant after one session under the sheets without protection. In fact, after several months of nonchalantly playing it unsafe, we still found ourselves unsuccessful in the department of knocked-upness. When I was a sophomore in high school, my health teacher had frightened us all with a story of a young teenage girl who allegedly became impregnated from merely dry humping with her boyfriend. "It," after all, can apparently "very easily" swim through his underwear, his pants, her jeans, her panties, and eventually up her you-know-where and result in teenage motherhood. And now, almost fifteen years later, I'm finding out I actually have to try? I thought this was supposed to be easy, like catching a cold, or herpes. Sure, it was a great motivator for me to put off having sex in high school, but I have to say it's led to some serious feelings of failure as an adult. Despite those inadequacies we felt, our stubbornness was much stronger. Around December we upgraded our methods and became a little more serious about the whole science of babymaking.

Apparently, our added efforts paid off. I nervously took a pregnancy test on the evening of Mother's Day, immediately after we returned home from Rowan's baptism. Two little pink lines immediately popped up. I took another test the next morning, and it, too, came out positive. This past Monday, on the 4th, I had my first prenatal exam. Although to my dismay they are trusting my interpretation of the results of my at-home pregnancy tests and didn't conduct another pregnancy test on me, I was told during my lady exam that my "cervix looks pregnant" (I guess it changes to a bluish-purplish color when you're pregnant) and my uterus is just the size it ought to be.

Oh my God. I'm about nine weeks pregnant. In mid January, we will become parents. I am so freakin' excited. (And a little freakin' terrified, to be honest.) Stay tuned for lots of stories on pregnancy woes and baby preparations...

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