The Magic is Dwindling
It was just about a year ago that I excitedly posted about the emergence of "my new magical mommy boobs." Shortly after Asher was born, I complained about how sore my boobs were from engorgement, and then, about a month later, I whined about my decision to end nursing and, instead, pump my milk due to Asher's violent eating behavior. A few months after that, when I went back to work, I had to begin supplementing about one bottle of formula a day to keep up with Asher's appetite. He really hated this at first, but it didn't take long for him to get used to it. The ratio of milk to formula has changed dramatically since then. We went from a 3:1 ratio, a 2:2 ratio, and then a 1:3 ratio. Now, I'm only making about 4 ounces of milk a day, so he gets a bottle of milk every other day. And this is with me still pumping four freakin' times a day!
Stressing over my damn milk production is all going to be coming to an end soon, though. I've decided I'm going to step up the weaning process by decreasing my milk extraction to only twice a day. And by weaning, I mean weaning for me. Asher could care less; he really shows no preference at all anymore for my milk over formula. It's really irritating when I've worked for two days to make him a bottle, and then he doesn't finish it. I guess this makes it easier for me to begin the end of breastfeeding, since I know he could give a rat's ass, but still. The boy could show a little appreciation. Ungrateful child!
Of course, just like I did when I stopped nursing and when I had to start feeding Asher formula, I feel a little bit like I've failed in some way. I keep trying to reassure myself, my body is just done, Asher doesn't care, I should be grateful that I'm not going to have to break my baby's heart by taking his mommy's milk away from him and that I won't have to suffer discomfort from engorgement. But, I'm a perfectionist, I had it in my head that I wanted to continue to provide milk for him until at least his first birthday, like all the experts recommend, and now that the realization has hit that I'm probably not going to be able to is killing me. I think I just need to stop reading these books by these so-called "experts;" they only make me feel crazier and more inept. Maybe Britney Spears should write a parenting guide. Then we'd read it and feel like wonderful parents. Like, look, I put my baby in a car seat; I don't drive with my baby in my lap. I've got to be the BEST MOM EVER!
I can't say I'm totally hating the thought of gaining back a little bit of my time and freedom, though. On the other hand, I'm really hating it that we're having to buy formula all the time now. It's expensive! And it's at the store! Like five minutes away! But there is an endless supply...no more stressing out about how many ounces I've got to make before he'll have a full bottle ready for him. Sometimes I think that peace of mind is worth the hundreds of dollars we're spending on formula.
Stressing over my damn milk production is all going to be coming to an end soon, though. I've decided I'm going to step up the weaning process by decreasing my milk extraction to only twice a day. And by weaning, I mean weaning for me. Asher could care less; he really shows no preference at all anymore for my milk over formula. It's really irritating when I've worked for two days to make him a bottle, and then he doesn't finish it. I guess this makes it easier for me to begin the end of breastfeeding, since I know he could give a rat's ass, but still. The boy could show a little appreciation. Ungrateful child!
Of course, just like I did when I stopped nursing and when I had to start feeding Asher formula, I feel a little bit like I've failed in some way. I keep trying to reassure myself, my body is just done, Asher doesn't care, I should be grateful that I'm not going to have to break my baby's heart by taking his mommy's milk away from him and that I won't have to suffer discomfort from engorgement. But, I'm a perfectionist, I had it in my head that I wanted to continue to provide milk for him until at least his first birthday, like all the experts recommend, and now that the realization has hit that I'm probably not going to be able to is killing me. I think I just need to stop reading these books by these so-called "experts;" they only make me feel crazier and more inept. Maybe Britney Spears should write a parenting guide. Then we'd read it and feel like wonderful parents. Like, look, I put my baby in a car seat; I don't drive with my baby in my lap. I've got to be the BEST MOM EVER!
I can't say I'm totally hating the thought of gaining back a little bit of my time and freedom, though. On the other hand, I'm really hating it that we're having to buy formula all the time now. It's expensive! And it's at the store! Like five minutes away! But there is an endless supply...no more stressing out about how many ounces I've got to make before he'll have a full bottle ready for him. Sometimes I think that peace of mind is worth the hundreds of dollars we're spending on formula.
4 comments:
You may not have to wean. At six months, when I was starting to produce very little milk, I stopped cold turkey and no engorgement.
I think you're the BEST MOM EVER! How long do have to keep him on formula?
Aw, thanks, Marmie! That's why you're my favorite mother-in-law! :) We have to keep him on formula until he's at least one, and then we can switch him over to whole milk. So, only a few more months!
You were able to pump way longer than I would ever have thought. I kind of get the feeling that it's harder to make milk when you pump exclusively as opposed to breastfeeding directly, so I'd say you went above and beyond! Pumping is a PITA and hard work and you did it for 9 whole months - that's awesome.
And just think that Asher got the benefit of your milk for so many months. I think 9 months isn't too different than 1 year, especially since most kids are drinking more formula and eating baby food at 9 mos. anyway. Rowan wasn't taking much breast milk after 9 months.
And OBVIOUSLY Asher is the cutest, most healthy baby we've seen, so you must be doing SOMETHING right!
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