Can I Do It Again?

It was two years ago this month that Asher was conceived, and the time has already come for Stephen and I to start re-evaluating our family plans. It's strange - before I had Asher, I felt young and like I had all the time in the world to have a baby. Now that two years have passed and Asher is growing like a weed, I feel more pressure now than I did before. Before, those pressures were primarily from the mothers, relatives, and friends pushing us to get on the baby bandwagon. This time around, I'm finding all of the pressure is being created internally.

And, by the way, this in no way means we've started trying to get pregnant, or even that we've decided when to have another baby - now, six months, a year, two years, perhaps? This simply means we're talking about the possibility of when we might want to start thinking about having another child. And yes, we are the most passive, indecisive people I have ever known. Sometimes I really hate us.

I feel like between two and three years is a good age difference between siblings. If I want to obtain this age difference, we need to start cracking. Asher keeps getting older, you know! And speaking of age, I'm not getting any younger myself...I mean, seriously, I tweaked my back a couple of weeks ago by just getting into the car! And then there's the fact that both of us are getting very nostalgic about babies. Granted, this is probably partially due to the fact that Asher is acting less like a baby and more like a wild beast these days, but still, the baby craving is out there and it seems to be growing...

On the other hand, have you seen me lately? I'm a wreck! Hair is crazy, clothes are frumpy, the upkeep on grooming is poor, diet is atrocious...Mentally, I feel about ten times worse than that. I keep thinking about how insane everything felt right after I had Asher, and, though it's a different type of insanity, things still feel hectic and crazy right now...what kind of horrible, horrible mess would we create if we collided both of those worlds? Moreover, how would I cope in that chaos? And then there's money...sweet, cruel money. Of which we have none! But will we ever have some? Can we afford to wait until the economy shapes up and Steve gets a full-time job and our bank accounts are brimming with cold hard cash?

These are the thoughts that are eating away at my mind lately. I know we'll never really make an actual decision. We'll just finally give up, like we did the first time around. Two years after Asher's conception, and I'm still trying to figure out if I want to get pregnant. Although, I've got to admit, our passive decision-making the first time around had some pretty awesome results...

Read more...

Baby Kills Innocent Tube of Lipstick

This is really my fault; I saw Asher grab my lipstick off the table and toddle off with it, but I didn't think anything of it because, oh I don't know, I obviously had a complete mental shutdown at that exact moment, or something. Duh: toddler + lipstick = not a very good combination!

After a couple of minutes of him sitting across the room very quietly with his back to me, I knew something was up. Sure enough, I peeked over his shoulder to find him attempting to stuff both of his thumbs in the tube at the same time. Luckily, I came to my senses when I did; though the lipstick would have been saved entirely had I been sensible enough to not let him play with it in the first place, at least I caught him before he got bored with squishing it and learned he could fingerpaint on the walls and every other object in the house with it. The mess did take a good ten minutes to scrub off of him, and it only came off after we broke out the Comet with bleach. (Alright, so we didn't...that was our last resort if the Method dish soap didn't work. He was very relieved that it did.) Who knew lipstick was so hard to get off of skin? Not to mention, while cleaning him, he felt the need to touch every single thing on the sink he could reach with his grubby little stained paws, so I had a second mess to clean after him. That's okay, I got my revenge by scrubbing his rosy nostrils out.

Boys just have no respect for cosmetics!

Read more...

Rowan Turns Two

On Saturday, we attended a joint birthday party for Rowan and his friend, Lola, who were both turning two within a few days of each other. The weather was great, the babies were all on their best behavior, there were lots of crackers and juice to be consumed, there were slides and bouncy castles to play on...aside from the slight sunburn I got, it was a perfect party. Here are a few pictures taken from the day. I can't believe it's been two years ago since my little nephew was born. It seems like only yesterday that Stephen and I were lurking outside of the delivery room while Angela had him.

We also noticed that Asher and Rowan are playing together so much better now. Before long, their eight-month age difference won't be noticeable at all and they'll have so much fun getting into lots of trouble together. I mean, just look at that picture. They've both got "STINKER" written all over their faces.

Read more...

Spring!

72 degrees today, 80 degrees tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday, and 75 degrees on Monday? Could it be that Spring has finally decided to stop teasing us already and stay? Stephen and Asher went to the park to enjoy the weather this afternoon while I slaved away in my gray cubicle with nothing but cold, hard fluorescent lights shining down on me. Asher made Daddy take him down the slide at least 150 times, and I hear they also played on the swings and just ran around in the grass like a couple of wild men and taunted other small children who got in their way.

Above is a photo I took this evening of Stephen and Asher inspecting Marmie's beautiful tulips. I have to post this picture because I didn't get to take any pictures of them frolicking together at the park because, well, of that whole being-busy-letting-the-corporate-world-suck-my-soul-out-of-my-body-through-my-nose thing.

Read more...

Good Kitty

Asher's fascination with the cats is ever-increasing, and luckily, so far, their tolerance of him has remained. Sophie and Charlie mainly just ignore or run from him, but Sam is usually pretty sweet and lets Asher play with him a little bit. You know, until Asher does something like shrieks in his ear or pulls his tail or tramples over him.

Read more...

Missing My Niece

While on my quest to find what are apparently rare photos of me and Stephen as a couple, I've become distracted, as is typical of me. Heaven forbid I have a goal in mind and focus on it. Going through my photos, I've discovered that a large chunk of them are of Ella when she was a baby. The above picture particularly melted my heart - this was taken on Christmas Day of 2003, when Ella was about five weeks old. I remember during those first few months after she was born I was absolutely obsessed with that little girl - buying her clothes, thinking of her, visiting her almost every weekend, and even dreaming of her - Stephen said there were several times in the middle of the night I would tell him in my sleep to be careful not to roll over on the baby. I was so excited for each of her first milestones - her first crawl, her first teeth, her first steps, her first words. Anyway, this picture pretty much sums up how enamored with Ella I was.

Now Ella has been living in Virginia for over a year, and I haven't seen her in six months. I had a conversation with her on Easter, and I'm absolutely amazed by how much she's growing up. She is going to be starting kindergarten in the fall and turning six in November - how is this even possible?! I'd been okay with her living so far away up until the past week or two. I don't know why, maybe it was the conversation we had on Easter, but I've suddenly really been missing my little niece more than usual. Like, a TON. Like, so much that looking at these pictures of her is making me cry. I think the reality of her growing up and the distance is finally sinking in. I've been so crazy the past year with the chaos of being a new mom that I hadn't had much time or energy to really realize how much this sucks. I hate it that there's so much separation between us now. I hate it that I haven't seen her in half a year. I hate the thought that once she starts school, I will probably see even less of her. I hate it that Asher is missing out on developing a close relationship with his cousin.

I'm feeling a bit like when I was ten and Jamie was seven and I'd want to play with her Barbie doll. Back then, I could just take it away from her. Tell her to suck it up, or I wouldn't play with her. Oh yeah, and she has to play with the amputee Ken doll, too - I get the one with both legs.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure things might not be so simple anymore. I'm almost certain that stomping my feet and throwing myself down on the floor and screaming, "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!" isn't going to help matters, either. Jamie, if you were looking for revenge regarding the Ken doll situation, I think you found it.

Read more...

Itsy Bitsy Spider

Here is a little snippet of Asher doing his moves to "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." You really have to look for it, but it's there - the twisting of the hands as Spider climbs up the waterspout, the lifting of the arms for the downpour of the rain and the appearance of the sun, the (very brief) twisting of the hands as Spider climbs back on, and then, after exerting much patience and restraint to cut the song short, applause.

So his execution isn't perfect. And my voice is terrible. I still think we put on a pretty kick-ass performance, though.

Read more...

Wal-Mart Baby

Stephen surprised me this evening with a nice little point-and-shoot camera that he got for a steal at Costco. I've been whining forever that I want a little camera I can stick in my purse, and I've been whining for even longer than that that I want a video camera. Well, the video camera will have to wait, but in the meantime, it's nice that I finally have a makeshift one in this camera that will actually record sound. Yes, one of our old cameras has a video recorder, but it doesn't record sound - can you believe that? What's the point?! I guess if you want to record your local street mime or Charlie Chaplin impersonator performing?

Of course, I was eager to try it out right away, so I shot a little clip of Asher playing with the Wal-Mart shopping cart the Easter Bunny gave to him that I put together this evening all by myself with no instructions. (The thing is sure to fall apart within the next three days.) Just as I suspected, that $12 toy is keeping him very entertained...he's got to be dizzy from the number of laps he's made around the house with it. After a half a lap in this shot, he gets distracted by Blue's Clues and has to stop and figure out what the hell Joe is singing about THIS time.

Read more...

Easter Bug

Asher spent his second Easter at NeeNee and PaPa's house, just like last year. Except this year, he was able to rip through his Easter baskets all by himself (almost), hunt for Easter eggs with a little bit (read: A LOT) of help, stay awake for all of the festivities, and partake of the bountiful Easter feast. Well, he could have, at least; of course, he didn't want to have even a bite of ham or a spoonful of sweet potato - we ended up giving him a cereal bar and Cheerios for dinner. Point being, he wasn't a little blob this year, so I think we all were able to have a lot more fun with the holiday this year than last.

We started off with a trip to the mall to visit the Easter Bunny on Easter Eve. Asher was less than enthusiastic about this, but I reminded him that if he was nice and visited with Mr. Bunny, he might stop by in the morning and drop off some goodies for him. Asher decided he would make the attempt and, after about ten minutes of NeeNee showing him how to tickle the bunny's ears and nose, Asher warmed up just enough to sit him on Mr. Bunny's lap for thirty seconds to snap one okay picture.

The next morning, Asher awoke to find his traumatic experience had paid off. There were two Easter baskets, a gift bag, a big toy, and a bike sitting in the middle of NeeNee's living room floor. He crawled down the stairs and stopped, gave me a quizzical look, and then toddled right on over and started digging things out. I was happy to see he was much more interested in gifts this time around, as compared to Christmas when I basically had to open all his gifts for him. The Easter Bunny hid eggs full of Rolo's and dollar bills around the house, but it turned out not to be the best environment for an egg hunt for a 15-month old because there evidently were far too many other interesting things to see and do other than look for stupid plastic eggs, things like playing with cat toys, or the lid to the trash can. After a few hours, I re-hid the eggs in the backyard and we had a second attempt at an egg hunt. Asher did much better due to fewer distractions; even though I still had to point almost all of them out to him, he did really well at picking them up and putting them in the basket. Of course, he's been practicing this skill for quite some time with his megabloks and a cookie tin.

Here are a bazillion pictures of Asher on Easter, mainly of him frolicking in the yard at NeeNee's, enjoying the so-so weather.

Read more...

Much-Needed BFF Fix

Angie made a spontaneous trip down from Chicago to spend the weekend with us, and man did it make me realize how much I miss having close friends nearby. We stayed up until 2 a.m. talking. We watched movies together. We took Asher to the playground. It was very low-key, and very, very nice. And, I can't even begin to describe how much of a relief it was to have an extra set of eyes to help watch Asher Bug. I am currently working on convincing Angie to move to the area so I can get my BFF fix whenever I need it, but in the meantime, I hope she'll come back and visit again soon.

Read more...

Mr. Grumpers

Asher has been teething for the past couple of weeks, but it seems to be getting worse. He has constantly been gnawing on his little fingers this weekend and the drooling has gotten so bad that, this evening, I had to dig out his bibs. I'd finally packed those darn things up a few months ago because THANK THE LORD he didn't need them anymore. Or so I thought. On top of that, he started coming down with a cold a couple of days ago, and now his cough sounds like that of a forty-year smoker. And just when he couldn't be any happier, we drug him to the doctor today for his 15-month checkup. I thought this was going to be an easy visit - I could have sworn no shots were going to be involved this time. Ah, but Mommy's memory is crap, we all know that, and he did have to have a couple of shots. He has spent the rest of the evening letting us know, too, that he is miserable and that we should be blamed. Because that's what parents seem to be there for, right? He didn't have a completely awful time at the doctor's, though. We got stuck in the waiting room for 40 minutes, which normally would be a disaster, but luckily there was a little 19-month old girl who was eager to play with him. They were so cute, I wish I'd had my camera. They spent lots of time spinning each other on the chairs, looking out the window together, dancing, tackling each other, and chit-chatting in their own language. The little girl was so smitten with Asher that she cried when we had to leave, it was so sad! Asher is up to almost 24 pounds, so he's in the 50th percentile for weight, and is 32 inches in height, which is in the 75th percentile. The doctor said he looks perfect, and I said WELL, DUH!

Because we felt so bad for him, we did what most parents do when their kid is sick: we became complete pushovers. All he wanted for dinner was banana, yogurt melts, and apple juice. SO BE IT. He did NOT want his pajamas on, so he got to run around the house for a couple of hours in his diaper. We read all the books he brought to us, multiple times upon request. He got to sit in Daddy's chair and watch TV and play with the remote for as long as he wanted. We did stand our ground and made him go to bed at a reasonable hour, however, which gives me hope that I will not cave and buy him a car should he ever break a bone or get chicken pox.

Read more...

Child Labor

Although Asher's curiosity is exhausting, we're finding it can also be very beneficial to us. He's expressing more and more interest in the chores we do around the house. He loves chasing after the vacuum and helping Mommy push it around. He finds the dishwasher very interesting and enjoys handing clean dishes to Daddy to put them away. Stephen was hanging curtain holdbacks in our room and Asher was right by his side, handing him tools and hardware. When we're at the store, Asher thinks it's a treat when we take him out of the cart and let him help push it.

He doesn't quite understand, yet, that working sucks, and we're trying to keep it that way. Maybe by this summer we can get him to mow the yard for us?

Read more...

Fifteen Months Old

This little guy will officially be fifteen months old tomorrow. That's a year and a quarter! Okay, so maybe that's no milestone, but fifteen months sure sounds like a lot to me.

Off the top of my head, I don't think there have been any major developments this month - still no "real" words, no more teeth that I've discovered (though I think he has been teething), and he's still unable to solve a simple mathematical equation. But, I feel like he's really matured a lot in other ways. His comprehension is ever-increasing. He's learned that a crack in the sidewalk is not the same thing as a step, so he doesn't need to get on all fours and crawl off of it, and he's also learned that if it is indeed a step, he still doesn't need to get on all fours and crawl off of it - there's this magical thing called stepping down that you can do if you slow down, are really careful, and hold Mommy's or Daddy's hand. He's getting better at getting into things in much messier ways than before. For instance, we went from opening cabinets, to opening cabinets and pulling Mommy's lotions out, to opening cabinets and pulling Mommy's lotions out and "hiding" them, to opening cabinets and pulling Mommy's lotions out and "hiding" them and then finding them and opening the lids. So far, there have been no major messes to report, only messy hands. SO FAR. I'm sure I'll have a different song to sing in the not-so distant future.

This child never ceases to amaze me. Never in my life have I seen someone so curious about everything. I find his fascination fascinating. To me, paper clips are about as dull as you can get, as far as entertainment goes. But watching him pull out an entire container of paper clips, take them out one-by-one, arrange them just so, hand them off to Daddy, and then put them back one-by-one - MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. Sometimes I feel like we'll never have the opportunity again to go out and do fun things like go to a concert or see a show, but then I stop and think, WHY? Look at this entertainment we have right here, in our own home, right before our very eyes? FOR FREE! He's going to go rearrange the spices and cans of cat food in the pantry? I'll make the popcorn!

He's so quick now, too. I love to watch him dart from room to room squealing and looking around like he has some sort of secret mission to accomplish but he just hasn't quite figured out what it is, yet. He's toddle-running now, which is so funny to watch - he looks like a tiny drunken Frankenstein. What's especially great about this age is that he's pretty good at entertaining himself. Saturday, I gave him a bunch of Megabloks and a cookie tin and he was happy for a good half an hour, filling it up, carrying it around, and emptying it.

And sleep - I can't forget to mention the sleep! Since we started letting him fall asleep on his own in his crib, without us hovering over him, he's been such a good sleeper. He's been sleeping through the night for a good 10-11 hours per night this entire month. I can't begin to describe how much nicer and less of a struggle bedtime is than it used to be. I think I'm just going to block our old bedtime routine completely out of my memory.

I'm beginning to understand now what is meant when people say kids keep you young. In my ripe old age of almost thirty, I feel tired, bored, unimpressed, and just overall jaded about the world around us. But when I'm around Asher...okay, I still feel tired - REALLY tired - but I feel refreshed, pulled out of my slump. He's fascinated by the tiniest of things, each and every moment he's awake it's a learning experience for him, and he laughs for no reason. His presence chips away at the crusty bitter shell that has formed around my soul over the years, and if only I could bottle it up like a drug and take it in the middle of work or while sitting in traffic, I'd be a much happier person, thinking more about rainbows and butterflies and less about homicide.

Here are Asher Bug's pictures for the past month.

Read more...