Missing My Niece

While on my quest to find what are apparently rare photos of me and Stephen as a couple, I've become distracted, as is typical of me. Heaven forbid I have a goal in mind and focus on it. Going through my photos, I've discovered that a large chunk of them are of Ella when she was a baby. The above picture particularly melted my heart - this was taken on Christmas Day of 2003, when Ella was about five weeks old. I remember during those first few months after she was born I was absolutely obsessed with that little girl - buying her clothes, thinking of her, visiting her almost every weekend, and even dreaming of her - Stephen said there were several times in the middle of the night I would tell him in my sleep to be careful not to roll over on the baby. I was so excited for each of her first milestones - her first crawl, her first teeth, her first steps, her first words. Anyway, this picture pretty much sums up how enamored with Ella I was.

Now Ella has been living in Virginia for over a year, and I haven't seen her in six months. I had a conversation with her on Easter, and I'm absolutely amazed by how much she's growing up. She is going to be starting kindergarten in the fall and turning six in November - how is this even possible?! I'd been okay with her living so far away up until the past week or two. I don't know why, maybe it was the conversation we had on Easter, but I've suddenly really been missing my little niece more than usual. Like, a TON. Like, so much that looking at these pictures of her is making me cry. I think the reality of her growing up and the distance is finally sinking in. I've been so crazy the past year with the chaos of being a new mom that I hadn't had much time or energy to really realize how much this sucks. I hate it that there's so much separation between us now. I hate it that I haven't seen her in half a year. I hate the thought that once she starts school, I will probably see even less of her. I hate it that Asher is missing out on developing a close relationship with his cousin.

I'm feeling a bit like when I was ten and Jamie was seven and I'd want to play with her Barbie doll. Back then, I could just take it away from her. Tell her to suck it up, or I wouldn't play with her. Oh yeah, and she has to play with the amputee Ken doll, too - I get the one with both legs.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure things might not be so simple anymore. I'm almost certain that stomping my feet and throwing myself down on the floor and screaming, "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!" isn't going to help matters, either. Jamie, if you were looking for revenge regarding the Ken doll situation, I think you found it.