It's Best Not to Think about the Other Side of the Line

I've received numerous calls from several different people in the past in which they flat-out told me they were sitting on the can while talking to me. Personally, I can't do this. For me, I typically behave no differently when on the phone than I would if the person were actually in the room with me. There have been a couple of instances with my mom or BFF in which I've gone tinkle while on the phone, but these were emergency weeder situations only; besides, I've gone pee with them in the room, anyway, so it really wasn't breaking my rules. Pooping while on the phone, though...I'm a prude, I know, but I'm just incapable of doing this. And, unlike Asher, if the phone rings while I'm in a state of undress, I'll normally have to throw a robe on before I answer it. Call me paranoid, but if they can hear me, I feel like they can see me.

So if people poop while talking on the phone, it makes me wonder what other things people do on the phone. I know a lot of you out there EAT while on the phone - let me tell you, it's annoying! My dear husband used to fall asleep while talking to me on the phone back in our dating years...also annoying; he's lucky I married him after that. I'm guilty of nursing while on the phone. Again, though, I did that in front of people, too, so no rule breaking there. What else goes on on the other side of the line? Baths? Waxing? Taxidermy? It makes me wonder about all that goes on the other side of the line in chat rooms and even on e-mail, too. Like right now, while I'm typing this - for all you know, I could be biting the callouses off the bottom of my dirty feet.

You know, we received a couple of phone calls last week from PRISON. And, yes, that's exactly what our caller id read - it certainly didn't sugar coat the information. Do you think I picked up the phone? Too bad whoever it was didn't leave a message. I'm just hoping it was a wrong number.