A Goodbye Letter

My Dearest Twenties,

Well, here we are. The end of our journey together. I hoped one day we'd reach this point - after all, I knew if we didn't, that would only be because I was dead. But I never imagined how quickly the ending would come. Like a good book, you want to reach the end, but at the same time, you want to hold on and savor every page of that story. At least with a good book, though, you don't gain gray hairs or wrinkles, or find that your boobs hang just a little lower at the end.

You gave me a lot of special memories that I'll cherish my whole lifetime: college graduation, marriage, getting the first pet of my very own, gaining nieces and nephews, buying my first house, having my first child. We had our share of heartache along the way, too: losing a beloved grandmother, losing a beloved first pet, losing a couple of childhood pets, financial struggles, losing our first home. We've made dear friends along the way, people who have helped us reach this point, people who have pulled me off the roof of the building just as I was about to jump. We successfully grew out of those teenage years and attitude and realized how important family truly is. You've taught me responsibility, patience, and forgiveness.

I'm sad to see you go, it's true - it's kind of scary leaving the comfort zone of that young adult stage - but I'm hopeful that my thirties will hold good things for me. I'm hopeful that I'll have the chance to write a goodbye letter to my thirties one day, too, but I'm going to savor each day, one at a time, and try to make the decade last as long as possible.

P.S. I am willing to let you keep the gray hairs that have started to sprout, if you will let me keep my twenty-something boobs.

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Busy Doing Nothing

When Stephen was working full-time and Asher was spending his days at Grandfather Daycare, I didn't realize how much free time I had. I was alone for my hour and a half lunch break, and usually had one to two hours alone in the evening before they would get home. Now that Stephen is home during the days, we're back on our no-rest-for-the-weary schedule. I feel like I'm constantly ON, going going going, from 6 a.m. until almost midnight every day. Don't get me wrong - for once I'm NOT complaining - but this is a huge reason I've felt unable to keep up in the blogging world lately. Well, that, and the fact that we're pretty much boring. Really boring. I've gotten a few recent complaints regarding the fact that I haven't been a very loyal blogger and several Asher update requests, so I thought I'd cram a little blogging into my lunch break to try to keep the peace with my three or four readers.

We're still trying to bounce back from Asher's vaccinations last Monday and/or the cold he came down with last week. Two nights ago was the first night he'd slept through the night in a week, and he's still not napping as well as he usually does. Needless to say, Stephen and I have been dragging ourselves around like zombies. Thankfully, Asher seems to be on the mend, so hopefully life will include a bit more sleep for us soon. Asher has been in pretty good spirits, though, and he's as active as ever. He's creeping around and trying to crawl, and is starting to sit unsupported. I checked his gums yesterday and thought I may have felt a little sharp spot...but then again, two seconds later I felt and couldn't find anything. It doesn't help that he won't hold his head still for more than a nanosecond at a time, so my findings remain completely inconclusive for now.

Today, Asher is at Marmie's and will also be spending the night there so that Stephen can get some work done for his two part-time jobs. Notice I didn't say Asher is at Grandfather Daycare; unfortunately, Grandfather Daycare is no more...Grandfather had the AUDACITY to get a job! We're really happy for Joe, but we know Asher will miss those days of hanging out with Grandfather dearly.

There's nothing new to report on the job front for Stephen. As for me, I'm completely SWAMPED at work, so no news there, either. Nothing new is going on with the house. We haven't gone anywhere exciting, or done anything fun, or seen anyone (other than grandparents, of course) in I-don't-know-how-long. I told you, WE'RE BORING. But not necessarily completely by choice...we just can't seem to find the time, energy, or funds to be social or to do anything. So many other people seem to have no problems having a life...what is our deal? Are we parentally retarded? It feels like everything is so unorganized - from my desk at work, to my closet, to my mind. But, hey, this is nothing new, either. Seriously, what was I expecting - a baby would make me MORE organized? I am so funny.

All in all, though, things are good and we're happy. I know you'd probably never guess that from reading my blog, but really I just like to bitch a lot. We all have to be good at something, right?

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Positive Thoughts, Positive Thoughts!

Well, just as we assumed would happen, Stephen lost his job today. Of course, wouldn't you know they didn't mention word one about the retarded and false complaint that had been made about him only a week ago. Was the investigation ever even finished? Obviously not - they never even spoke to Stephen regarding the alleged incident. I honestly sometimes wonder if the whole thing was concocted by his bitch - er, I mean, boss. Who knows, because I doubt we ever will. Working in a law office is really great when shit happens in your life because you have a world of legal expertise right there at your fingertips. Unfortunately, their legal expertise didn't have anything positive to tell me, except that they're positive there's not much we can do. In Indiana, an employer doesn't have to have any reason for terminating you - they just can't terminate you based on discriminatory factors. And, I guess proving you've been wrongfully terminated is next to impossible to do, especially when they play the "oh you're just not a good fit for the company" card. How conveniently vague, thanks. On top of that, I would assume it'd cost a lot of money to try to prove it, of which we don't have.

*sigh* This sucks.

So my emotions this afternoon have been flip flopping a bit. There's a little bit of relief - like I said, I knew in my gut they were going to do this to him, it was just a matter of when? There's a LOT of pure rage - seriously, how can they get away with this?! Stephen bends over backwards to be a good employee - he even gave up his one free Saturday in nearly two months to drive two hours to take ticket stock to a store, and do they know how much overtime he didn't claim because he wanted to do a good and thorough job?! Livid! I am livid! Why does the nice, good guy always get stomped on? I am sick and tired of this trend of his bosses chewing him up and spitting him out. I promise I am not just sticking up for Stephen because he's my husband - he'll be the first to tell you I'm probably his biggest critic, behind himself. He is truly a GOOD person, and a GOOD worker. Ugh... And, of course there's sadness; after all, there goes my opportunity to quit my job and be a full-time mommy. I have to admit I'm feeling a little heartbroken right now. But, I'm determined not to let this give me an ulcer; after all, he'd only worked there for about five weeks and we went for so long without him working that job before. Besides that, Joe can have his knee surgery, Stephen can be with Asher Bug, Stephen can search for another job, Joe can recover from surgery, Stephen can get another job, Joe then can have Asher back, I can quit my job after the grace period has ended, and then my dream can come true!

It's not just wishful thinking! It's just GOT to happen! One of these days. Maybe? Boo.

I won't think about the fact that it took around nine months of searching, applying and interviewing for him to finally land a good job.

It's really aggravating because I don't feel like we're greedy people...I don't feel like we ask for too much. All I want is a nice, yet modest, house, a few kids, a wonderful husband, one reliable income off which we can live, and good health. Is that too much to ask? Really? Watch My Super Sweet 16 on MTV and then tell me I ask for too much.

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If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

I haven't been very diligent in posting to this lately and it's due to two main reasons. One, we've been very busy the past couple of weeks due to Stephen working so much or being out of town. Asher and I actually went with him on an overnight trip last week and had a really good time. This week I took a couple of days off while Stephen was out of state to stay home with Asher. I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Asher Bug. We napped, went shopping, listened to PaPa toot his horn at Park Band...we had lots of good times. Spending time with him during the week further fueled my desire to be at home with him full time. Grandfather Day Care is wonderful, and I know Asher loves spending time there, but it kills me that when he's home during the weekends, I feel like I'm disrupting any sort of routine that's been established for him. Not to mention, only seeing him for an hour or so an evening before his bedtime is murder. Granted, I'm thrilled and extremely grateful that Joe has been so gracious to watch Asher for us - if Stephen nor I can stay at home with the baby, we want him to be with family. Unfortunately, I don't know how much longer this can last...Joe has a very bad knee and is needing to have surgery. I can't keep expecting him to put his health on hold so that he can accommodate us. If this had been just a week ago, I'd probably have been thrilled when Maryann called to see when they ought to schedule Joe's surgery because it would have meant I'd need to quit my job. Finally! An excuse! We'd agreed I'd keep working for as long as Joe wanted or was able to watch Asher. However...

Reason number two I haven't been posting much: the shit keeps hitting the fan.

This has been both the most joyous and the most stressful year of our lives. Asher, of course, is our highlight of the year - of our lifetimes. But all the transitioning into parenthood, the lack of money, the loss of our house...it's been nothing but chaos. Things were looking brighter the past couple of months, though. Stephen found a job he really likes, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, as far as work was concerned. We'd grown to view the loss of the house as a blessing in disguise, and have actually been looking forward to moving someplace else.

And it never, ever fails. As soon as you feel like your head is above water, something - or, more appropriately, someone - comes along and shoves you back under.

I won't go into details as it would be unwise to at this time - and you know it's difficult for the Queen of TMI to not go into details - but I'll just say that we just found out earlier this week that some very false and very ridiculous (read: laughable) accusations have been made about my husband that is jeopardizing both his job and his reputation. So, once again, everything is up in the air in our lives and we're just waiting, waiting, waiting for the next steps that need to be taken. And in the meantime, we've both been upset, a little depressed, disappointed, frustrated, scared, and angry at the whole mess. Those emotions don't make for very fun postings, so I have been sparing everyone from the drama.

Hopefully I'll be feeling in better spirits and will hop back on the blogging bandwagon soon, but if the number of postings seem few and far between you'll know it's just because the inside of my head is a pigsty right now.

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