The Beginning of the End

I'm at the hospital, trying my best to type without pulling the IV out of my arm, "enjoying" the last moments of my second pregnancy. It's been a rough one - not the pregnancy itself, but the time period during which the pregnancy has taken place has really kinda sucked. I've beaten myself up a little bit over the fact that I haven't documented this pregnancy the way I did Asher's, but I guess my priorities had to lie in taking care of myself and my family, rather than in blogging. It's funny, though; both pregnancies have been so similar that, in a way, it's like both are documented through my first pregnancy postings. I had very similar issues with nausea during the first & second trimesters. Both pregnancies were complication-free. I've had heartburn and backaches with both. My weight gain has been very similar as the first's. Both of my babies practically outgrew my uterus.

There have been some minor differences, though. My appetite hasn't been quite as good as it was during the first pregnancy. It seems like heartburn has been more of a constant this time around. I don't recall really having any cravings with Asher, but with this kid I've been on a non-stop chocolate binge. I think I've been much more tired and achy during this pregnancy, too, but that's probably due to the fact that I'm chasing around after a toddler and have had a lot of crap to deal with that I didn't have during the first.

I'm more ready for this pregnancy to end than I was during my first. Because so little was going on back then - no other child or drama occupying my time - I tended to dwell on every little part of my pregnancy. I loved being pregnant and carrying around the baby inside of me. I know I'm going to miss feeling Retus moving around inside, I'm going to miss that bond that a mother feels while carrying her child. But my body is SO DARN TIRED and worn out that I've really been prevented from enjoying being pregnant as much as I was with Asher.

Although I'm probably not quite as nerve-wracked as I was about my first delivery, I'm a lot more nervous than I thought I would be. I spent so much time preparing, studying, and bracing myself for Asher that, even though I didn't know firsthand what to expect, I felt somewhat prepared. This time, due to having done it before and having everything else occupy all my time and attention, I really haven't spent any time at all preparing myself for Retus' arrival. (1) Everything went so smoothly with Asher that I'm scared the opposite will happen with this one. (2) Even though I've gone through caring for a newborn just two years ago, I think I've blocked it all out of my mind. It was my only defense! Shit, we're talking about sore nipples, feedings every two hours, and a child who can't hold his own head up. Explosive diapers! Engorgement of boobs! Postpartum depression! Feeling literally anchored to your child! Am I ready for all of this again?! I mean, Asher can feed himself, and he SPEAKS! Of course, Asher can also outrun me at the store and jump out of the cart. It will be kinda nice to have a baby that just lies wherever you put him again.

I'm very excited about meeting Retus, though, and introducing him to our family. For some reason, I figured I wouldn't feel as much excitement over the second baby, and happily I can say I was completely wrong. The Pitocin is freely flowing into my veins now, so it'll only be a short matter of time until I get to hold my new little sweetie!