No Sleep for the Weary

Is he teething? Is he hot? Is he cold? Is he hungry? Did he have a bad dream? DOES HE JUST WANT TO TORMENT US TO THE POINT OF INSANITY?!

I don't know what the reason is, but Asher has been having a horrible time staying asleep at night lately.

He was a nearly perfect sleeper once we started putting him to sleep in his crib a month and a half ago. Then he had his vaccinations a couple of weeks ago. And then he had a cold. And ever since, his sleeping hasn't been the same. And neither has ours.

All this week (with the exception of Saturday night when we were away from home - GO FIGURE, he slept like baby - like our old baby, the one who'd sleep through the night) he has been waking up around 4:00 - sometimes earlier - and it's been taking a good 1/2 hour to an hour to get him to go back to sleep. Since Stephen is Mr. Mom these days, he's been awesome about getting up to take care of him. However, with the baby monitor still on, I can still hear the crying and sense Stephen's frustration. Forever plagued with a guilty conscience, I groggily drag myself out of bed and to Asher's room to see if I can help. I'll try rocking him, holding him, singing to him, changing his diaper, bribing him with a new car when he turns sixteen, but he cannot be fully consoled. So then I start throwing a sleepy stupor tantrum about how I can't live like this, how I have to get up in an hour, how the lack of sleep is KILLING me! Oh, the horror, the absolute horror! Then Stephen sends me back to bed while, being the gentleman he is, restraining himself from physically pushing me out of the room.

Anyway, we aren't sure what's going on with this restless baby of ours. But God, PLEASE DEAR LORD, help us figure it out. SOON. I had a strong urge to run over a bicyclist today because he was in my way and was wearing really dorky shorts. The lack of sleep probably isn't killing me, but it may kill someone else.

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Big Family Weekend

Finally, Stephen had a weekend off and we had plans to go somewhere and be around PEOPLE. What a concept! Granted, our plans were to go to Dayton to attend Grammy's 90th birthday party - maybe not the craziest, most exciting or exotic plans in the world - but it still counts as being social, dammit. We actually had a really good time, and Asher was SUCH a wonderful boy. I was so worried he'd freak out, being confined in the small club house with about 70 people, but he really seemed to thoroughly enjoy all of the attention, noise and hubbub and didn't get fussy until toward the end, after we'd been there for like five hours.

It's hard to believe Grammy is 90. It's hard to believe anyone could be 90 and still functioning so well. It was just barely over a year ago that she had her stroke and the doctors were fairly certain she wasn't going to make it. Ha! She's undergone lots of rehabilitation, but she's doing so well it's almost as if it never happened. If I make it to 70, I hope to be doing as well as she is at 90.

We stayed overnight with Angela, Jeff, and Rowan afterward, and, as usual, had a grand time visiting with them. It sucks living so far away from them...well, really we only live two hours away, but, with Stephen working on the weekends, visiting has become pretty much a rarity. There was lots of mommy talk, geek talk, and baby talk, and we even took a jaunt over to "Faketown" for lunch and ice cream.

Another big event was meeting Rowan's infamous girlfriend, Lola, and her mom, Emilee. It's funny how many of us bloggers scope out our friends' links to other people's blogs...there have been times I'll find myself on a complete stranger's blog, confused as to how I even got there...a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend...But I think it's so cool, getting to "know" these people you've never even met before. In a weird way, it kind of makes the world seem a little smaller and friendlier. Anyway, it was really great getting to finally meet Emilee and Lola, since, I'll be honest, I've been reading their blog on a regular basis since they were first linked to The Daily Squink, which was...well, I think around the time Lola and Rowan were born. That probably makes me sound pretty creepy, watching a stranger's kid grow up online, but I promise I'm a completely harmless crazy person.

So Asher got to spend a little time around some babies this weekend; albeit, they were all older then he is. He seems to be much more aware and interested in other babies than he was just a month or two ago. This means we really need to make an effort to arrange some play dates for him. Asher also got to hang out with some elders at Grammy's party, and I think he was just as fascinated with them as he was with the babies. So, I guess this also means we need to be making more trips to Dayton to visit Grammy and her friends. Baby needs friends, young and old!

Here are a few pics of our lovely family visit.

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Busy Doing Nothing

When Stephen was working full-time and Asher was spending his days at Grandfather Daycare, I didn't realize how much free time I had. I was alone for my hour and a half lunch break, and usually had one to two hours alone in the evening before they would get home. Now that Stephen is home during the days, we're back on our no-rest-for-the-weary schedule. I feel like I'm constantly ON, going going going, from 6 a.m. until almost midnight every day. Don't get me wrong - for once I'm NOT complaining - but this is a huge reason I've felt unable to keep up in the blogging world lately. Well, that, and the fact that we're pretty much boring. Really boring. I've gotten a few recent complaints regarding the fact that I haven't been a very loyal blogger and several Asher update requests, so I thought I'd cram a little blogging into my lunch break to try to keep the peace with my three or four readers.

We're still trying to bounce back from Asher's vaccinations last Monday and/or the cold he came down with last week. Two nights ago was the first night he'd slept through the night in a week, and he's still not napping as well as he usually does. Needless to say, Stephen and I have been dragging ourselves around like zombies. Thankfully, Asher seems to be on the mend, so hopefully life will include a bit more sleep for us soon. Asher has been in pretty good spirits, though, and he's as active as ever. He's creeping around and trying to crawl, and is starting to sit unsupported. I checked his gums yesterday and thought I may have felt a little sharp spot...but then again, two seconds later I felt and couldn't find anything. It doesn't help that he won't hold his head still for more than a nanosecond at a time, so my findings remain completely inconclusive for now.

Today, Asher is at Marmie's and will also be spending the night there so that Stephen can get some work done for his two part-time jobs. Notice I didn't say Asher is at Grandfather Daycare; unfortunately, Grandfather Daycare is no more...Grandfather had the AUDACITY to get a job! We're really happy for Joe, but we know Asher will miss those days of hanging out with Grandfather dearly.

There's nothing new to report on the job front for Stephen. As for me, I'm completely SWAMPED at work, so no news there, either. Nothing new is going on with the house. We haven't gone anywhere exciting, or done anything fun, or seen anyone (other than grandparents, of course) in I-don't-know-how-long. I told you, WE'RE BORING. But not necessarily completely by choice...we just can't seem to find the time, energy, or funds to be social or to do anything. So many other people seem to have no problems having a life...what is our deal? Are we parentally retarded? It feels like everything is so unorganized - from my desk at work, to my closet, to my mind. But, hey, this is nothing new, either. Seriously, what was I expecting - a baby would make me MORE organized? I am so funny.

All in all, though, things are good and we're happy. I know you'd probably never guess that from reading my blog, but really I just like to bitch a lot. We all have to be good at something, right?

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Approaching the End of Buzzy Seat Season

This was once a common sight in the Barr household: little Asher snoozing away in his buzzy seat. Now it's a rarity, but was amazingly caught on camera today by Stephen. He's now way too active to just fall asleep, but I guess when you refuse to nap for two days in a row it eventually catches up with you.

Asher's buzzy seat days are coming to a close, though, unfortunately. This evening while we were fixing dinner, Asher began crying and Stephen poked his head around the breakfast bar to check on him. Stephen started to laugh and told me to come have a look. Wouldn't you know it, Asher was on the floor, still partially strapped into the buzzy seat, with the seat tipped over on its side. He wasn't hurt at all, just startled. More than anything, he seemed completely irritated that the seat was still managing to hold onto him, despite his jumping overboard. Then Stephen proceeded to tell me that basically the same thing happened yesterday, too. Crap. Time to pack up the swing too, I'm afraid.

He's throwing himself out of his seats and he's really taking off with his newfound creeping skills. He's so darn active; he's constantly like a little fish flopping out of water. Thank God for the walker and exersaucer - those provide some much-needed restraint before he becomes totally mobile - but what happens once he starts walking? You mean we're actually supposed to toddle after him everywhere and keep an eye on him? Yikes. Who knew so much responsibility would be required in this whole baby thing?

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What a Crap Day

Don't let the picture fool you; just as I predicted in yesterday's post, today was not a good day.

(1) Asher awoke extra early this morning, starting around 4:30-5 a.m., crying. Not for a bottle, not because he was done sleeping, but just because he was grumpy or didn't feel well and wanted to sleep on someone. After much jumping out of bed and attempting to console him bedside, he got his way. And I got little sleep and a stiff back.

(2) During my early morning baby wrangling, I was mauled by my cat. Stupid-ass Charlie...I finally got Asher to sleep and laid him in his crib, tiptoed out of his room only to find Charlie and Sam had wandered in. I scooped Charlie up because he meows like a little beotch when you try to shoo him out and, instead, attempted to shoo Sam out. For some stupid-ass reason, this freaked Charlie out, so he mangled my upper left arm by springing off of it with his back claws. As I was left biting my knuckles to keep from yelping in pain, he meowed like a little beotch and galloped out of the room, which, of course, woke Asher up. Again. If you can tell from the below picture, I now have three perfect puncture wounds surrounded by a lovely bluish-purplish bruise. Sexy for summer wear!

(3) Asher fell off the guest bed today when Stephen turned his back for a short moment to grab his glasses. I was in the other room and when I heard the immediate screaming that followed the loud THUMP! I knew what had happened. Stephen felt awful. I told him at least he didn't fall from the stroller on the hard floor in the kitchen, face first. Not that that happened under my watchful eye, oh no...never.

(4) Asher would not take a nap today. Not at all. Surely that couldn't be because he doesn't trust us, after we had people stick needles in his legs yesterday and allowed him to plummet off the bed today?

(5) Work was awful. AWFUL. I ended up taking all day off yesterday because of some stuff Stephen had to get done for one of his jobs and because of Asher's doctor's appointment, and then I called in this morning because of Asher not feeling well and me not getting hardly any sleep. My desk was a disaster when I left it on Friday, and you should have seen it today. And my inbox! I shudder thinking about all of those wretched, unread e-mails. And then there's the stupid-ass "fires" that management thinks you should drop everything to tend to and then they have the audacity to get snippy with you on why something isn't done...WELL DUH! Um, perhaps if I was allowed, for once, to focus on my work-work instead of stupid-ass protocols or reports, THINGS WOULD GET DONE! I am BEYOND done with that place; if Stephen hadn't lost his job recently, I was ready to put my notice in today. I was so close to tears by the time I left today. I hate it that I allow that place to get to me like that, too. It's hard, though, because I just want to be with my little boy. It was murder having to leave him today when I knew he wasn't feeling well and, no matter how many times I tell myself otherwise, I can't help but feel like a bad mom for not being with him. I keep telling myself, this is temporary, you can leave soon! But I worry I won't be able to. Ugh. One of my attorneys gave me some excellent advice today when he told me to take some Valium. Seriously, I'm so high-strung lately, I really do wonder if I ought to get on some anti-anxiety medication. I'm so worried I'm going to blow a gasket one of these days, or that my poor heart is just going to explode from pumping so vigorously all day long. I've always had a short fuse, but since Asher was born...I don't even think a fuse exists at all anymore.

(6) Stephen received a notice that there's a certified letter awaiting him at the post office from his ex-employer. WHAT THE FLIP DO THOSE BASTARDS WANT?!

(7) Not one, but two pairs of my favorite pants somehow got dark stains on them during washing. WTF? The washing machine is supposed to produce clean clothes, not make them dirtier! Frick! So now I have to go buy new pants for a job I don't want to have to even go to, let alone dress for.

Lord, I pray tomorrow is much better. And if it's not, please lead me through and help me not to maim anyone. Not that I have anyone in mind, no, no one at all. Valium? Me? Really? Nah...

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Poor Mr. Grumpy Bug

Asher had his belated six-month checkup this afternoon. Aside from it taking almost two hours (of course, the actual exams with the nurses and doctor took maybe twenty minutes combined) only for Asher to end up in tears at the end due to a round of four shots, everything went really well. Asher is about 17 1/2 pounds, which puts him in the 50th percentile for weight (although I still swear the kid weighs at least thirty). It also turns out that he's in the 75th percentile for both height and head circumference. A child of mine, tall? The melon-sized head is no shocker, however; it's a well-known fact I have a bit of a complex regarding my own enormous noggin, thanks to the boyfriend my sister had back in junior high. Jamie told me Scott said, "'Your sister is kind of weird looking. It's like she's got a tiny body and a giant head.' Isn't that funny?!" Yeah, real funny; I have a giant head?! Zits, weird body hair, freckles, pale skin, thick eyebrows...all of those "flaws" I possessed I was well aware of. But now I have to add "huge cranium" to my list of insecurities? I've never been the same since. I'd wear a hat to cover it up, but I can't find any large enough to fit.

Thankfully, Asher has the height-thing going for him; hopefully this is an indication that his body-head proportion will be less freakish than mine. If not, it's no big deal. You know what they say...big head = big brain. Not to mention, he has the cutest darn head. If it happens to be large, that's just more available space for cuteness to reside.

Asher was such a good boy during the checkup. He did scream and cry during his shots, but within a few seconds, he was smiling at daddy again. Unfortunately, the cheeriness didn't last long...he screamed bloody murder for a good hour this evening (see below picture, which was taken after he'd calmed down a bit). After some Tylenol and a bath, he perked up a little and even managed to do some scooting around before bed...looks like that inchworm maneuver he's been working on is finally starting to take him places. He's not 100% by any means, though. I put him to bed an hour and a half ago, and he's awoken two or three times already. They say the reactions to the vaccines will be the same as they were the previous times, since they're the same vaccines, but I don't remember him being this grumpy at all. I think it's going to be a long night.

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Six Months Old

It's been a very hectic past few weeks, to say the least. I haven't had much time, energy, or even been in the mood to blog lately. So, needless to say, this post is almost a week past due. It just goes to show what a neglectful parent I am.

Asher is a whopping six months old now. Can you believe it? I can't. I went to the mall a few days ago and saw several newborn babies. My heart melted and I teared up a little when I looked down at Asher and realized my baby isn't one of those tiny babies anymore. Not that he ever really was a "tiny" baby, but you get what I'm saying. He's getting to be an older baby. Halfway to one year! He's now wearing the 6-9 month clothes I bought for him last summer on sale when I was just a few months pregnant with him. He's just starting stage 2 foods, and he thinks fresh watermelon or banana in his munchy teether is the greatest thing EVER. He talks all the time, and his eyes are in constant motion, trying to take the whole world in at once. It's become quite the challenge to even get him to drink an entire bottle because he's too darn distracted by EVERYTHING. He's almost outgrown his swing and buzzy seat - I pray to God he is able to sit up soon on his own because I don't know what we'll do without the aid of the swing or buzzy seat. When did this all happen?!

Asher's flowering personality and sweet disposition has really pulled us through the muck and mire this month. I'm not sure what it is, but when he gives me one of his huge, cheesey grins, I just know in my heart everything is going to be alright as long as he's around.

June pictures of Asher Bug are here!

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Positive Thoughts, Positive Thoughts!

Well, just as we assumed would happen, Stephen lost his job today. Of course, wouldn't you know they didn't mention word one about the retarded and false complaint that had been made about him only a week ago. Was the investigation ever even finished? Obviously not - they never even spoke to Stephen regarding the alleged incident. I honestly sometimes wonder if the whole thing was concocted by his bitch - er, I mean, boss. Who knows, because I doubt we ever will. Working in a law office is really great when shit happens in your life because you have a world of legal expertise right there at your fingertips. Unfortunately, their legal expertise didn't have anything positive to tell me, except that they're positive there's not much we can do. In Indiana, an employer doesn't have to have any reason for terminating you - they just can't terminate you based on discriminatory factors. And, I guess proving you've been wrongfully terminated is next to impossible to do, especially when they play the "oh you're just not a good fit for the company" card. How conveniently vague, thanks. On top of that, I would assume it'd cost a lot of money to try to prove it, of which we don't have.

*sigh* This sucks.

So my emotions this afternoon have been flip flopping a bit. There's a little bit of relief - like I said, I knew in my gut they were going to do this to him, it was just a matter of when? There's a LOT of pure rage - seriously, how can they get away with this?! Stephen bends over backwards to be a good employee - he even gave up his one free Saturday in nearly two months to drive two hours to take ticket stock to a store, and do they know how much overtime he didn't claim because he wanted to do a good and thorough job?! Livid! I am livid! Why does the nice, good guy always get stomped on? I am sick and tired of this trend of his bosses chewing him up and spitting him out. I promise I am not just sticking up for Stephen because he's my husband - he'll be the first to tell you I'm probably his biggest critic, behind himself. He is truly a GOOD person, and a GOOD worker. Ugh... And, of course there's sadness; after all, there goes my opportunity to quit my job and be a full-time mommy. I have to admit I'm feeling a little heartbroken right now. But, I'm determined not to let this give me an ulcer; after all, he'd only worked there for about five weeks and we went for so long without him working that job before. Besides that, Joe can have his knee surgery, Stephen can be with Asher Bug, Stephen can search for another job, Joe can recover from surgery, Stephen can get another job, Joe then can have Asher back, I can quit my job after the grace period has ended, and then my dream can come true!

It's not just wishful thinking! It's just GOT to happen! One of these days. Maybe? Boo.

I won't think about the fact that it took around nine months of searching, applying and interviewing for him to finally land a good job.

It's really aggravating because I don't feel like we're greedy people...I don't feel like we ask for too much. All I want is a nice, yet modest, house, a few kids, a wonderful husband, one reliable income off which we can live, and good health. Is that too much to ask? Really? Watch My Super Sweet 16 on MTV and then tell me I ask for too much.

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