Boo!

You see that face? That's Asher's Boo Face. That's exactly how I feel right now.

Asher spent last night in Grandfather Day Care and, I'll admit, I freaked out a little at first. But I did alright. I missed him like crazy, but I survived and I grew. I learned I am capable of letting go of my reins for a little bit and trusting someone else to take over for me. I learned I will not self-combust if parted from my baby for a night. I learned Asher doesn't need me after all and is happier at Grandfather Day Care being doted on by people other than me. He doesn't even need my milk - Grandfather's yummy formula is just as satisfying. Boo.

So I survived one night without baby. Can I survive two?

I found out Stephen is working late tonight in Muncie again, and then may have to go back early in the morning tomorrow. Maryann called me (probably on behalf of Asher, the little turd) to see if I'd be interested in letting him spend another night with them. Well...NO! I'll have you know that Joe claims that Asher is now HIS little boy and that Asher said he doesn't care to have his "old" parents back. I just knew little old appleface man couldn't be trusted. I could have gone down and picked him up, I suppose, but, unfortunately, they live 45 minutes away from us, and by the time I'd get home from work, milk, drive down there in rush hour traffic, and drive back up, it'll be 8:00 or later. And then what? It'd be time for him to go to bed and, in the early morning, he'd just have to get up and go back down there again. Would it really be worth making him sit in the car all that time just so I would get to see him for a few minutes? It's worth it from my end of the stick, but I think it'd probably just be unnecessary disruption to his "routine." Not to mention, Stephen informed me some gas stations have raised prices up to $4.19 a gallon today.

I am so beyond ready to quit my job. I am so tired of having all this chaos. I need more stability. I need to provide more stability to my child. I feel like a bad mom, leaving him overnight for two nights with his grandparents because Stephen and I are working. I feel like I'm choosing my stupid job over him. I feel like I'm missing out on my child's life because of everything going on. For instance, we ran out of formula yesterday morning because we didn't know we were low. That's how little we're taking care of him.

It goes without saying, though, that we are INCREDIBLY lucky that Asher has such a wonderful Grandfather who is willing to go above and beyond to take care of Asher for us when we aren't able to. And, I think it's great that Joe actually wants (or seems to want, at least) to take care of Asher. I love it that they're bonding - I want my kids to be super close to their grandparents; that's very important to me.

Unfortunately, all this bonding time means time I have to give up with him and that just plain SUCKS for me. Of course, I won't lie - there is a certain amount of pleasure I feel about having FREEDOM back. If only I had money, I'd go shopping. If only I had the company of my husband, I'd go out to dinner. Ugh, no baby and I still have no fun.