The Final Weeks at Home
First I was bummed out from the chaos that consumed me after having Asher. I felt lonely, isolated, lost, confused, exhausted and overwhelmed. I missed my freedom and, in a way, my "old" life. Now that I only have two and a half weeks left of being home with my sweet Asher Bug before I have to return to work, I'm feeling more and more depressed about that. I've recovered from the baby blues, adjusted (mostly) to the insanely huge changes in my life, have started to get a routine - albeit shaky, but a routine nonetheless - in place, and have even really started to enjoy my time with Asher. And now? It's all going to be thrown up in the air again.
I realize a ton of mothers out there work full-time - some by choice, some out of necessity - and they, and their families, survive just fine. And, I know I will, too. But, it doesn't change the fact that I'm absolutely dreading returning to work. Back when we decided to start a family, both Stephen and I had decided that, if possible, I would quit working and take care of the baby. I hate the idea of having to pay someone else to raise my child. I hate even more the idea that, chances are, I'm going to miss out on some of Asher's firsts: his first crawl, his first word, his first steps - will the babysitter be the one to witness these? Perhaps, unless I can bribe Asher into abstaining from making any big developments until after 5:00 and on the weekends. And, I'm sure it helps to have a job you love or one that makes you feel rewarded. I'm a freakin' legal secretary. For an insurance company. The job could be worse, but it's definitely not like I'm out searching for a cure for cancer.
Unfortunately, with Stephen's job situation having been really, really f***ed up since last fall, I'm going to have to return to the office. Mama's gotta bring home the bacon (and the insurance). Taking care of Asher is my number one priority and, I suppose, his having a roof over his head is pretty high on his list of needs. Which means - argh - someone's going to have to make sure the mortgage gets paid. But, of course, with my going back to work, there's the dilemma of how in the world we're going to afford the added cost of day care. If only I could work from home doing...something...where oh where are my special talents that will make me independently wealthy?
So, right now I'm pretty preoccupied with concocting a nice ulcer. I like to make mine with a little bit of guilt over leaving my baby, a lot of depression over leaving my baby, and a ton of concern regarding finances. Turns out, parenting isn't so bad - it's all the strings attached to it that are a pain in the ass. If anyone has any suggestions on coping with returning to work when you don't want to do so, please share them with me. Lord knows I could use some advice!
Oh, and the picture? That's just to show the sweet little face I'll be trading in each day for the privilege of a paycheck. Responsibility sucks so badly.
I realize a ton of mothers out there work full-time - some by choice, some out of necessity - and they, and their families, survive just fine. And, I know I will, too. But, it doesn't change the fact that I'm absolutely dreading returning to work. Back when we decided to start a family, both Stephen and I had decided that, if possible, I would quit working and take care of the baby. I hate the idea of having to pay someone else to raise my child. I hate even more the idea that, chances are, I'm going to miss out on some of Asher's firsts: his first crawl, his first word, his first steps - will the babysitter be the one to witness these? Perhaps, unless I can bribe Asher into abstaining from making any big developments until after 5:00 and on the weekends. And, I'm sure it helps to have a job you love or one that makes you feel rewarded. I'm a freakin' legal secretary. For an insurance company. The job could be worse, but it's definitely not like I'm out searching for a cure for cancer.
Unfortunately, with Stephen's job situation having been really, really f***ed up since last fall, I'm going to have to return to the office. Mama's gotta bring home the bacon (and the insurance). Taking care of Asher is my number one priority and, I suppose, his having a roof over his head is pretty high on his list of needs. Which means - argh - someone's going to have to make sure the mortgage gets paid. But, of course, with my going back to work, there's the dilemma of how in the world we're going to afford the added cost of day care. If only I could work from home doing...something...where oh where are my special talents that will make me independently wealthy?
So, right now I'm pretty preoccupied with concocting a nice ulcer. I like to make mine with a little bit of guilt over leaving my baby, a lot of depression over leaving my baby, and a ton of concern regarding finances. Turns out, parenting isn't so bad - it's all the strings attached to it that are a pain in the ass. If anyone has any suggestions on coping with returning to work when you don't want to do so, please share them with me. Lord knows I could use some advice!
Oh, and the picture? That's just to show the sweet little face I'll be trading in each day for the privilege of a paycheck. Responsibility sucks so badly.
5 comments:
You could do anything from home. You should be an author...you are so talented and witty that you could write a great book. Or you could write about your current work situation...that would definitely make you millions!
We need to open our own stationary company Kim! As far as going back to "that" place for the time being, to try to put a positive spin on it is this...I had to go back to work 3 days a week after I had Sloan and it helped me get on a more productive schedule and it really made me appreciate the time I had with Sloan even more. Stephen can still get a great job and you'll get to quit, this isn't a permanent situation! Hang in there!!!
I always see stay at home jobs advertised. Some are are probably a scheme, but not all of them. I saw a news clip one day about a lady working from home. She was pretty much on the phone most of the time, but it's not a bad gig if you have a baby at home (: Try to find a reputable company and look into it. I will let you know if I come across anything (:
Kimber, just think, you can call me from SDN at work..I know that makes you very happy to go back..LOL.. Yeah, its hard, but like Laurie said, it does make you appreicate the time with your kids more...
Great minds think alike Dawn.. WRITE FOR A LIVING Kimber..
DeLisa
Try to not beat yourself up. Alot of us have had to work post-kids. I went back after Alex and my sister watched him for me and since I worked on the weekend, she would take him from Friday night to Sunday night every week. I thought I'd die from withdrawal... Recently I've gone back full-time and since I've never worked a five day-a-week job before, it's been rough (and my kids are older). But there are advantages to it... like paying the bills on time... and being able to shop on my lunch hour (wait, maybe that isn't an advantage).
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