Possible Reasons I'm a Grumplesaurus Lately
* Pregnancy hormones. One second there's a song on the radio that I'm struggling not to cry to, the next second it's over and the lame-ass Cheeseburger in Paradise commercial comes on (it's only played three times per commercial segment) and I'm screaming, "I f**king hate f**king Jimmy F**king Buffet and this f**king song and this f**king commercial!" while frantically punching at the radio buttons to change the station. On the other hand, this is probably a common reaction to hearing this commercial so maybe it's not just me - bad example. I haven't been a crying wreck, and even when I get bitchy I'm not directly bitchy to people. I don't think I've even been too mean to Stephen - in fact, I think I've been much more mellow to him since I've been pregnant, and he's probably dreading the moment when those pregnancy hormones begin to plummet. But, in my mind, I'm slowly becoming more crazy and unstable. I get overwhelming feelings of giddiness for no good reason. A few minutes later, I'll have an incredibly strong urge to cry. Before I know it, I feel pissed at the world and want to punch the next person that walks by me. My head right now - I picture it filled with a million tiny funhouse mirrors, contorting thoughts and feelings into creepy and freaky monsters. Weren't those thoughts and feelings creepy and freaky enough all on their own??
* Stress. Starting next week I will get to see my husband for an hour at lunch and then not again until between 9:30-10:00 in the evening. Saturdays I'll get to see him after 7:00. At least we'll still have Sundays. At least for now. And bill paying is still a struggle, so it's not as if we're getting some big monetary compensation out of this. And, the house is progressively going to shit because I can't keep up with the cleaning due to my inflexible abdomen and sore back. Which leads me to...
* Increasing bodily discomfort. Bending over is becoming a thing of the past. I have to flop and roll myself out of bed with the aid of the headboard to make my 2-4 tinkle trips in the middle of the night; lying in bed and wetting myself is becoming quite the temptation. I have good days and bad days concerning my back, but even on good days exertion for more than five minutes turns the day into a bad day. I think my belly now weighs approximately thirty pounds and sometimes I catch myself while walking trying to carry it in my arms to alleviate the pulling. Not being able to do what I want or need to do is not going over very well. Dammit.
* Lack of sleep. 2-4 tinkle trips in the middle of the night I can handle. The thirty minutes it usually takes to get "comfortable" enough again once back in bed to fall asleep I can't handle. If Baby Neener wakes up, which he does half the time, this may add to the thirty minutes as he kicks the shit out of whichever side I'm trying to lie on. And Stephen wonders why I push him so hard if he starts to snore...
* The approaching holidays. Namely, Christmas. Namely, Christmas shopping. Everything about this freaks me out right now. Lack of money but lots of people for whom to buy...the physical act of walking and being on my feet for hours while shopping with my back as sturdy as it is and my belly weighing forty pounds (yes, I do believe it's grown ten pounds in the past five minutes)...the mental anguish of not only trying to pick out the "perfect" gift for each person but also having to maneuver through the herds of other crazy Christmas shoppers...THANK GOD my purses aren't big enough to hold any weapons, else I might not have to worry about Christmas shopping for reason of being imprisoned.
* Work. It's been particularly stressful for the past few weeks due to several reasons which I won't bore anyone with, but even under normal circumstances I find it absolutely exhausting. If you are able to, I highly recommend either taking time off or working part-time during the last trimester of pregnancy. I work in an office and sit in front of a computer all day long. One would think an eight-month pregnant woman could easily handle such sedentary work for 37.5 hours a week. And maybe a normal eight-month pregnant woman could handle this, maybe I'm just a big wimp. But still...if I was allowed to and could afford it, working half the hours I'm working now would be heavenly. And I think I'd have much fewer daily fantasies of homicide.
Always one to play Devil's Advocate, I can see many possible positive sides to all of this. Obviously, I realize the lack of sleep is something I'm just going to have to get used to. The trouble I'm having now is simply preparing me for all of the nighttime feedings and changings and screamfests I'll have the pleasure of enduring. (I still have my fingers crossed that Baby Neener will love sleep and being lazy as much as his mommy and daddy do. Just like I'm still hoping in the next month doctors will devise a way for women to give birth without actually giving birth. Like, beaming the baby up and out of the mother's body and into her arms. It could happen.) Maybe all of this will help me to be a more patient person. And more importantly, a more patient mother. I physically can't do a lot of things around here on my own, and Stephen is too busy and tired for me to bark at him to do these things. So...I just have to wait until he's available to get to them. (AND IT'S KILLING ME! Patience is soooo lame!) And, maybe all of this will help me to prioritize my life and my lifestyle. Maybe -shocker- the fact I haven't been able to buy a pretty new Coach purse in over a year isn't the end of the world. Maybe -shocker- using generic face cream isn't going to make the skin on my face peel off and leave me looking like a burn victim. (I just bought it a few days ago, though, so I can't say this with absolute certainty. I'll keep you posted if I discover otherwise.) Maybe -shocker- I don't have to spend a buttload of money on every single person in our family for Christmas - maybe they will understand and still love me if I only spend a little on them this year. Maybe -shocker- Christmas really isn't about the gifts, after all! (How far into the depths of Hell will I be condemned if I confess that the gifts really do add quite a bit to the holiday? I mean, really, if there were no gifts, would people really get as excited and worked up as they do about Christmas? I have to admit I very much look forward to giving and opening gifts. I like gifts for my birthday - why shouldn't there be gifts for Jesus' birthday, too? Otherwise, Christmas is just another Thanksgiving or Easter or Fourth of July. That is just a boring way to celebrate our Lord and Savior's birth, if you ask me.) Maybe the aches and pains of this pregnancy and everything stressful that's happening in our life right now is to show us what's really important in life: FAMILY, HEALTH, LOVE. That maybe, even if things don't go the way you'd hoped or planned for them to, things can still be turned into a positive experience, one that will make you stronger and more wise with gained perspective.
I f**king hate perspective. And I can figure out the meaning to the stupid lesson without actually having to live through it!
Sorry, surely those are just the hormones speaking, right?
* Stress. Starting next week I will get to see my husband for an hour at lunch and then not again until between 9:30-10:00 in the evening. Saturdays I'll get to see him after 7:00. At least we'll still have Sundays. At least for now. And bill paying is still a struggle, so it's not as if we're getting some big monetary compensation out of this. And, the house is progressively going to shit because I can't keep up with the cleaning due to my inflexible abdomen and sore back. Which leads me to...
* Increasing bodily discomfort. Bending over is becoming a thing of the past. I have to flop and roll myself out of bed with the aid of the headboard to make my 2-4 tinkle trips in the middle of the night; lying in bed and wetting myself is becoming quite the temptation. I have good days and bad days concerning my back, but even on good days exertion for more than five minutes turns the day into a bad day. I think my belly now weighs approximately thirty pounds and sometimes I catch myself while walking trying to carry it in my arms to alleviate the pulling. Not being able to do what I want or need to do is not going over very well. Dammit.
* Lack of sleep. 2-4 tinkle trips in the middle of the night I can handle. The thirty minutes it usually takes to get "comfortable" enough again once back in bed to fall asleep I can't handle. If Baby Neener wakes up, which he does half the time, this may add to the thirty minutes as he kicks the shit out of whichever side I'm trying to lie on. And Stephen wonders why I push him so hard if he starts to snore...
* The approaching holidays. Namely, Christmas. Namely, Christmas shopping. Everything about this freaks me out right now. Lack of money but lots of people for whom to buy...the physical act of walking and being on my feet for hours while shopping with my back as sturdy as it is and my belly weighing forty pounds (yes, I do believe it's grown ten pounds in the past five minutes)...the mental anguish of not only trying to pick out the "perfect" gift for each person but also having to maneuver through the herds of other crazy Christmas shoppers...THANK GOD my purses aren't big enough to hold any weapons, else I might not have to worry about Christmas shopping for reason of being imprisoned.
* Work. It's been particularly stressful for the past few weeks due to several reasons which I won't bore anyone with, but even under normal circumstances I find it absolutely exhausting. If you are able to, I highly recommend either taking time off or working part-time during the last trimester of pregnancy. I work in an office and sit in front of a computer all day long. One would think an eight-month pregnant woman could easily handle such sedentary work for 37.5 hours a week. And maybe a normal eight-month pregnant woman could handle this, maybe I'm just a big wimp. But still...if I was allowed to and could afford it, working half the hours I'm working now would be heavenly. And I think I'd have much fewer daily fantasies of homicide.
Always one to play Devil's Advocate, I can see many possible positive sides to all of this. Obviously, I realize the lack of sleep is something I'm just going to have to get used to. The trouble I'm having now is simply preparing me for all of the nighttime feedings and changings and screamfests I'll have the pleasure of enduring. (I still have my fingers crossed that Baby Neener will love sleep and being lazy as much as his mommy and daddy do. Just like I'm still hoping in the next month doctors will devise a way for women to give birth without actually giving birth. Like, beaming the baby up and out of the mother's body and into her arms. It could happen.) Maybe all of this will help me to be a more patient person. And more importantly, a more patient mother. I physically can't do a lot of things around here on my own, and Stephen is too busy and tired for me to bark at him to do these things. So...I just have to wait until he's available to get to them. (AND IT'S KILLING ME! Patience is soooo lame!) And, maybe all of this will help me to prioritize my life and my lifestyle. Maybe -shocker- the fact I haven't been able to buy a pretty new Coach purse in over a year isn't the end of the world. Maybe -shocker- using generic face cream isn't going to make the skin on my face peel off and leave me looking like a burn victim. (I just bought it a few days ago, though, so I can't say this with absolute certainty. I'll keep you posted if I discover otherwise.) Maybe -shocker- I don't have to spend a buttload of money on every single person in our family for Christmas - maybe they will understand and still love me if I only spend a little on them this year. Maybe -shocker- Christmas really isn't about the gifts, after all! (How far into the depths of Hell will I be condemned if I confess that the gifts really do add quite a bit to the holiday? I mean, really, if there were no gifts, would people really get as excited and worked up as they do about Christmas? I have to admit I very much look forward to giving and opening gifts. I like gifts for my birthday - why shouldn't there be gifts for Jesus' birthday, too? Otherwise, Christmas is just another Thanksgiving or Easter or Fourth of July. That is just a boring way to celebrate our Lord and Savior's birth, if you ask me.) Maybe the aches and pains of this pregnancy and everything stressful that's happening in our life right now is to show us what's really important in life: FAMILY, HEALTH, LOVE. That maybe, even if things don't go the way you'd hoped or planned for them to, things can still be turned into a positive experience, one that will make you stronger and more wise with gained perspective.
I f**king hate perspective. And I can figure out the meaning to the stupid lesson without actually having to live through it!
Sorry, surely those are just the hormones speaking, right?
4 comments:
I don't know how you make it through a full work week. I didn't work during my pregnancy and I was always exhausted. I think you should start taking naps at your desk.
At lunch time, can't you lie down in the break room? Do you have a break room? Is there any place to lie down in there if you have a break room?
Do one of the lawyers have a couch in his office for napping? They love you, Kimmie, they'll find something for you!!!!
Lie down at work, hahahahahahaha yes I'm sure they'll be fine with you taking a little snooze even though you can't eat a sandwich at your cubicle now!! Hang in there Kim! Maybe I can come and build a bed under your cubicle and you can sleep like George Costanza did!!
Kim, have you ever considered Depends at night? That will also help you prepare for life after giving birth. You'll have to wear these big diaper-type thingys at the hospital, so you might as well get used to them now and save the trips to the bathroom!
And as far as shopping for gifts, remember, you don't have to buy anything for our brothers and me - that should alleviate SOME of the pressure, I hope!
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