Little Sister To Be Wed
My baby sister, Jamie, who is a whopping three years my junior, has announced that she is engaged to be married.
I'm feeling a wide range of emotions about this right now. For one, who the hell told her she's old enough to get married? Did I not mention she's THREE WHOLE YEARS YOUNGER, one day off from being to the day, than I am?! It's bad enough she didn't consult me before having Ella. Okay, I must admit that's one of the best things she's ever done FOR ME (and it's all about me, remember), so I shouldn't say she should have consulted me first. But those times she cut her hair and dyed it black...she really should have consulted me.
Second, the man she is to marry has yet to endure the scary side of her older sister. He has yet to meet "short bus" Kim or humping Night At The Roxbury-esque Kim (Jamie's favorite). Then there is the beloved gassy and nose-picking Kim; maybe I'll save her for him to meet on the big day itself. Seriously, Jamie - he needs to get to know these personalities. If he comes back to you after spending time with me in my raw nature, I'll know he must truly love you unconditionally. I'll try to keep overprotective Kim away, even though she really does mean well. She is simply having a tough time entrusting the care of her baby sister (who is an entire 1,094 days younger than she is) to another person. Like I'm her keeper, or something. And like we haven't lived an hour and a half apart for over three years. But that doesn't matter; it's symbolic, or something.
She has said, though, that the marriage will not be made in haste; they may not have their wedding for a couple of years. I think in that time, overprotective Kim will come to accept the fact that her "baby" sister is almost 25 years old; humping and gassy, nose-picking Kim will have plenty of time to frighten and gross poor Chris out; and short bus Kim will be excited at the prospect of creating a new "special" friend.
In other words, congratulations, Jamie and Chris. Jamie, I will try my best to "let go" and not embarass you too much in the process. Chris, I will try my best not to make you hate your future in-laws too much.
3 comments:
One isn't truly a part of this family until you've humped them, Kim.
Also, I freakin' miss you.
... or, at the very least, until they've been witness to you humping...anything really. I was going to say "me", but you've really expanded your selection of acceptable humping objects. I feel so insignificant now.
I miss you, too, Amie. :)
And don't you ever feel insignificant. You know you're my favorite humping object. (To anyone outside of our immediate family, this must sound sooooo bad...)
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