If Birds Could Talk

Yesterday as I was getting into my car to go home for lunch, I stopped to admire several sweet, chirping birds that were on the ground in front of my car. How cute, I thought, they're gobbling up red berries - those berries are almost as big as they are! Silly birdies, gosh they sure are cute, look at how they hop and skip around, chirping and eating red berries! I thought about the damn birds the whole time I drove home, with a stupid smile on my face. Seriously, it was pretty pathetic and I actually momentarily contemplated how I could snatch a couple up and take them home as pets.

Then I got home. I turned the car off, stepped out, shut the door, took one step forward and looked up.

The entire hood of my white car had been absolutely pelted with red berry bird poopie.

Of course my car has had its fair share of bird droppings, but never ever have I seen so much bird poopie on one car, let alone bird poopie of this variety. Between the quantity and the quality of the poop, I was very embarrassed to be seen in that car. I opted to park elsewhere upon my return to work in my red berry bird poopie coated car, but I imagine those wicked feathered creatures were laughing hysterically at me from afar. And to think I didn't eat even a damn bite of turkey this holiday season...