It's Been a Long Time

I haven't been on my blog in years.  Last week I wanted to make a collage of the boys to show how they all looked around the same age, and I needed baby photos of Asher and Henry for it.  Reluctantly, I popped onto the blog to find some photos.  Yes, I've sort of avoided the blog because of the disappointment and guilt I feel over not keeping up on it.  It sounds stupid, but I feel like I've let my kids down by not journaling their childhoods well enough.  I haven't kept baby books (terrible mother!), so this and Facebook are really all I have.  Mom suggested I start blogging again.  Just because it's been such a long time doesn't mean I have to give it up forever.  

Asher is now seven and in first grade, Henry is five, and we have a whole new person in our family, William, who is already seven months old.  Man, the time flies by so quickly.  I have wanted to be home with my kids ever since I was pregnant with Asher, and we finally decided to turn my dream into a reality a couple of months ago.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  There's just so much to juggle, and I'm terrible at juggling!  I hope with time it'll start to become more second nature and I won't feel like such an imposter.  I am so happy I'm finally able to be home with my kids, though.  I feel like a failure most days, but I also feel like I'm right where I belong. It's great to actually know my kids' preferences, their little quirks, and witness William's milestones firsthand.  I love Stephen for staying home with the kids all those years when I was working, but it hurt my feelings when he knew more about the children than I did.  A mother has a unique connection to her children, and I felt like I partially lost that. 

I miss writing, and I miss recording the mundane details of our lives that, one day, will make me smile and feel nostalgic.  Now that I've made the scary first step back in with this post, maybe I can start tracking memories again.

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